


Madness: The Kira Delusion

by YourShadow



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Delusions, Gen, Mental Hospital AU, Psychology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-15 15:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13616403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourShadow/pseuds/YourShadow
Summary: Light Yagami is under the delusion that he is a god, exacting justice by killing criminals using a magical Death Note with an accompanying Shinigami. His faithful psychiatrist, Doctor Lawliet, attempts to bring the delusions under control after he is admitted to Wammy’s Ward.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was brought on by the idea of ‘what if Light was actually crazy the whole time?’ As such, this fic explores psychological themes and theories in a universe where Shinigami are simply hallucinations and a black notebook is, well, just a black notebook. This story is told in multiple perspectives—mainly Light’s and Lawliet’s (L’s)—to explore various psychological disorders and mental health issues.
> 
> That being said, some of the diagnoses and treatments may not be accurate or portrayed as realistic as they are in the actual mental health field. I am not a psychiatrist or psych professional in any way, just someone who likes to sink her teeth into mental disorders. Therefore, if anything seems wholly inaccurate or harmful to the mental health community, please let me know and I will try my best to fix it. I welcome any personal experiences related to these disorders and mental institutions if anyone is willing to share.
> 
> Listen to the playlist on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/kylotrashbaby69/playlist/1iqx5MSCdZv5MaMjigXfgt)

_Delusional Disorder:_

_Delusions in everyday life such as being followed, poisoned, or loved. They can be erotomanic, grandiose, jealous, persecutory, somatic, or a combination._

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

Doctor Lawliet contemplated his latest patient. The young man came to Wammy’s Ward of Uenai Mental Hospital with delusions of grandeur and hallucinations of what he called a shinigami, or ‘god of death,’ who helped him achieve his position as a god himself. Of course, it was difficult at times to make sense of his ramblings when he got into a mood, but after weeks of studying the patient, this was the information the doctor had collected.

Light Yagami was diagnosed with a delusion disorder, which quickly grew into schizophrenia, apparent from his behavior as a teenager. He often claimed to be a god, calling himself Kira and threatening to punish wrongdoers with the notebook he clutched tightly to his chest at all times. He refused to let anyone else touch it, and grew aggressive when someone tried to take it from him or suggest that he part with it. He always kept it somewhere on his person.

The doctor managed to get a few glimpses as to the content of this notebook, discovering names and gibberish scribbled all over the pages. According to Light, anyone whose name was written in this notebook would die of a heart attack within one minute. When asked how he came up with this calculation, Light said Ryuk, a shinigami who always followed closely behind him, told him. It was one of the rules of the ‘Death Note,’ as he called it.

No matter how many times or ways Doctor Lawliet tried to explain that there was no god of death hovering around the mental institution or his patient, that it was just an hallucination, Light held on to the existence of the shinigami. He explained that the reason why only _he_ was able to see Ryuk was because he was the current owner of the Death Note, and only those who have touched it could see the shinigami attached to it (he did this by mumbling to himself, as he rarely ever actually talked _to_ Doctor Lawliet during their session). Doctor Lawliet proved this theory wrong by, in fact, touching the notebook numerous times, but Light refused to acknowledge this glaring error in his delusion. Instead, he chose to counter with more explanations pertaining to the complicated rules he constantly set forth within his own mind.

Light was certainly a fascinating patient. His delusions were intricate and interesting—to a psychiatrist’s mind. The man thought he was serving justice by killing those he decided were criminals, seeking to create a new world filled with only pure hearts and sound souls. He would be their benevolent ruler, a deity who was worshipped and adored. Doctor Lawliet had never quite had a patient like this, with such an elaborate system built up in his head. He thought it would be fun to crack Light open and see what was truly held inside.

**Light’s Perspective**

It all started with the notebook. The black journal was empty, waiting for notes from class, unspoken thoughts, or even poetry to grace its pages.

As soon as Light’s fingers touched the cover, however, he saw a dreadful sight. A large, grim-looking _thing_ was hovering in the air before him, with large wings reaching behind him and sharp, gruesome teeth bared in a hideous smile. Light shrieked, nearly dropping the notebook, feeling fear and adrenaline pump wildly throughout his body.

“Easy there, kid. The name’s Ryuk, and that’s my notebook you got there,” the creature told him in a grating voice, rough and nearly human.

Light’s fingers clutched the journal tightly. _‘Why would such a beast have need of a journal? And where did he come from, so suddenly?’_ “W-What are you?” he asked out loud.

“I’m a _shinigami_ ,” Ryuk explained as he watched the human look around fearfully.

“A…god of death?” Light gasped. His brilliant mind was already making peace with the fact that, yes, this creature existed before him, yes, this creature was indeed a shinigami, and therefore yes, gods of death did truly exist. There was no other way to explain the sight in front of him. “Do…do you want your notebook back?” he asked tentatively, holding it out to Ryuk.

“Nah, you can keep it. I left it here, so it’s my own fault if someone else picks it up,” the shinigami shrugged nonchalantly. “Besides,” he leaned in, whispering conspiratorially in Light’s ear, “it’s _magical_.”

“Magical?” Light questioned, glancing at it closely to discern any special properties. It looked like a plain old journal to him, with a black cover and the words ‘Death Note’ written crudely with white ink. He opened it to see a black page with what appeared to be rules listed, again in that strange white writing.

_Rule #1: The human whose name is written in this Death Note shall die._

Light’s eyes widened.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

Soichiro Yagami sat across from Lawliet’s desk, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. They were in the psychiatrist’s office, with only the steady humming of a fan breaking the silence.

“I should have noticed it sooner,” Light’s father mumbled to himself, wringing his hands together. The doctor watched in silence, waiting for the man to continue. “He slowly started to take an interest in law and justice. I merely thought he wanted to become a police officer, like myself. I should have _known_ . I should have _seen_ that something was clearly wrong with his way of thinking.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Yagami,” Doctor Lawliet spoke up to stop the man from berating himself further, “you would not have known the diagnosis or signs of what to look for even with the present symptoms. It was the right choice bringing him here when you did.”

“But it’s too late. You said so yourself: the delusions run so deep that there’s no way to bring him out of it! My son is lost to me,” Soichiro mourned, head in his hands.

“That’s not true,” the doctor told him. “I said he built up a very complicated world where his delusions exist, and it would be difficult to break through. It _is_ possible, however. At this institution, we have a variety of therapy and treatment options available at our disposal. Your son is in good hands, I assure you.”

The man did not appear consoled. “I just wish I would have noticed sooner.”

“You said he started talking more about justice and became secretive, locking himself away in his room for hours on end as soon as he came home from school?” Lawliet asked to bring them back to the topic of his patient.

“Yes. He was obsessed with learning about criminals and spoke incessantly of justice whenever he wasn’t in his room scribbling in his notebook. I don’t know what started it all. It was just so gradual until…”

“Perhaps it was stress from school,” Lawliet suggested. “It’s not uncommon, even for top students, to feel pressured to perform at the best of their abilities at all times, and to buckle under that pressure when they feel they are inadequate.”

“Maybe. Maybe I was pushing him too hard. But he had such promise!” the father exclaimed.

“He still does. He’s not completely gone yet, Mr. Yagami. You brought him here because you believe I can help, and I will as much as I can.”

“I know. I just…”

“Why don’t you go home and get some rest?” Lawliet suggested. The man was close to a breakdown of his own, with the combination of continuous work stress doubled under the weight of emotional stress due to his son’s deteriorating mental condition. The doctor held back on an official prescription for the father, but wanted to plant the idea of rest and stress relief into his mind.

Soichiro sighed. “I suppose you’re right, but it’s hard to relax when all I can think about is how my son is strapped down, screaming about being a god and murdering people with a magical notebook.”

“He hasn’t started screaming…” Lawliet said softly. _‘…Yet,’_ he added in his mind. It was only a matter of time, especially with doctors digging into his head. Light did not want to let go of his delusion so easily, and his schizophrenia did not allow him to at all. As it was, he thought the doctor was a master detective named L, whose sole purpose was to track him down and put him in jail for his crimes. Lawliet was his patient’s enemy, in Light’s eyes, and therefore refused to accept any of the treatments he offered.

“If you’d like,” Lawliet added, after noting the sullen look in the father’s eyes, “I can prescribe you some medication to help you sleep.”

“No thanks,” Soichiro shook his head and stood. “No offense, but I’d rather not be put on medication while my son is in here. It would look…bad for my family. I already blame myself enough as it is. If it turns out whatever he has is hereditary…” the man looked pained and turned away. “I’ll go home now. Please keep me updated on his condition.”

Lawliet nodded and watched the man leave. He knew Soichiro would refuse the offer of medication. Like father, like son.

**Light’s Perspective**

As soon as Light got home that day from school, he thought about trying out the notebook. It was absurd, having the power to kill someone with simply a name and a face, as the shinigami had explained. A notebook couldn’t have the power to kill, and yet…Light just wanted to see if it _did_. Test some theories, open his mind to forces outside of logic and reason. After all, if what the god of death said was true, he could practically get away with murder.

Not that he would, of course. He had no desire to become a murderer; just to clean up the world a little bit by getting rid of the criminals who plagued the city streets. Of course, killing them would be wrong. They should be put in jail and serve the sentence for their crime. That’s what his father said, and he tended to agree with him.

But what if he could do _more_ ? What if he could stop these people from killing, raping, stealing, and hurting others for good? No, it was unethical. It was _impossible_.

Or at least he thought, until he stumbled upon the Death Note.

Ryuk stood forebodingly behind him, with that terrifying grimace on his large white face. _‘Just try it,’_ Light thought to himself. _‘It can’t possibly work. Shinigami may be real, but this notebook could be a prank.’_

The news was on, covering a live emergency at a local school. A known criminal was currently holding the children and teachers hostage. Light remembered seeing him on the news recently for escaping from police after his latest crime.

“Kuro Otoharada…” Light whispered to himself, opening the notebook to the first blank page. His pen sat poised over the paper, the image of the man’s face hovering in his mind’s eye. He glanced at the TV, where reporters were describing the desperate scene and crying out for a good resolution instead of the grim reality they were facing.

Light wrote the man’s name in the Death Note, just to see what would happen. He doubted it would work, but he watched the seconds on his watch tick away regardless, glancing from the time to the TV constantly. Ryuk’s grin seemed to widen as he saw the human use the notebook.

Almost a minute had passed, and there was no change on the news. Sighing, Light resigned himself to the slightly depressing fact that he was right about the notebook’s false power, only to be startled when the reporters became more active. Teachers and children were fleeing from the building, saying that the criminal had a heart attack and died.

Light stared at the TV, mouth agape, as police rushed into the building and confirmed the fact that Kuro Otoharada was indeed dead, possibly of a heart attack, despite his seemingly healthy condition.

“It worked,” Light said. He gave a small chuckle out of sheer amazement. Then a laugh, because he had just killed someone with the power of a notebook given to him by a shinigami. The laugh grew to raucous heights until he was left wheezing, clutching his stomach as he doubled over in his chair.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

He knew how it would look, thinking with his thumb in his mouth like a child, but the psychiatrist never got over the habit. It didn’t increase his brain power at all, but it gave him security when his mind wandered down the dark and narrow streets of a patient’s head.

Light was currently strapped in bed, so he couldn’t hurt himself or the nurses when they checked in on him. His condition continued to worsen as the days passed on, and Lawliet nearly begged for the power to see inside of his patient’s mind, just once, to watch what was going on within the delusion.

When he came to Wammy’s Ward, Light Yagami was convinced that he was being taken into custody for being Kira, the would-be god who was responsible for numerous deaths—most of which were proven criminals who, as he said during one manic episode, ‘deserved to die.’ At times he would refute his identity as Kira, attempting to clear his name in order to escape punishment for his own crimes. Other times, however, he would boldly pronounce himself as the ‘god of the new world’ and admit to his deeds with zeal.

Lawliet assumed that Light permanently resided within his delusion, and had no idea of what was happening around him in the real world. It was one of the most extreme cases he had come across, and as a world-renowned psychiatrist, it was rare but customary for him to take on such a case. Rare in the fact that he had never seen such a powerful delusion disorder before, and customary that he was begged to cure the boy by numerous sources. His research and treatments earned him a trustworthy and frequently sought-after reputation. But still, he believed he would have had an interest in this case even if it wasn’t brought to the foremost of his attention from the start.

“What are your observations, Doctor?” a fellow psychiatrist asked as she approached. They both stood in front of the viewing window at Light’s room, watching the young man twitch and mutter on the bed.

“I’d like to hear your thoughts, actually, Naomi,” Lawliet murmured, his eyes still on Light.

“It’s clear he is only aware of his delusions at this point. I doubt he even knows where he actually is,” Naomi replied, launching into her analysis just as Lawliet thought she would. She liked to talk things out, and he enjoyed listening to her. “Based on his outbursts and behavior, he assumes he is being targeted. He calls you ‘L’ and treats you like a police officer or detective who is trying to track down the criminal responsible for the deaths he’s made up. What seems strange to me is that he simultaneously believes that he _is_ the criminal Kira, while in the same moment _denies_ the affiliation and acts offended at the mere idea.”

“When he knows I am in the room, he acts as Light Yagami, son of Soichiro the police detective, a straight-A student who believes in justice without the vigilante aspect of killing criminals. He tries to convince me that he is not Kira, going back and forth about how he couldn’t possibly be the killer and refuting any evidence that appears to be brought before him,” Lawliet confirmed. Naomi nodded. “At first I thought this was a tactic to get out of medications or treatments, because he was aware that he was experiencing delusions but did not wish to be rid of them just yet. Many patients perform this same behavior when it comes time for medicine or therapy sessions, as you know. However, he boasts about being Kira, the god creating a new, pure world, as soon as I leave the room—or when he thinks I am not there.”

“It’s like he’s not even interacting with us, but the _delusions_ of us. He doesn’t think we’re doctors, but you a detective and me a civilian. He actually believes I killed myself after our session where I confronted him about it. I saw him scribble it in his notebook,” Naomi added.

“Yes, and he keeps asking for my full name. I believe he intends to kill me too. But what will that accomplish?” Lawliet muttered to himself.

“Maybe he thinks if your delusional self dies, he won’t have to hide the fact that he’s Kira anymore. If the great detective ‘L’ is no longer after him, he doesn’t have to worry about being caught in his delusion,” Naomi answered.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” the doctor said. “If I die within his delusion, will his condition spiral downward, or finally ease up? I want to know what would happen, but I don’t want to risk escalating his condition. If he truly becomes the persona of Kira, he could never let go of the delusion. It would be a shame, using up all of that potential and brilliance for the sake of a false god.”

“Would he become the god of Wammy’s Ward then?” Naomi joked drily.

“No,” Lawliet said with a serious expression. “He would become another permanent patient with no hope for recovery in the future.”

They were silent for a moment, watching Light’s fingers as they mimicked a writing motion.

“Would he be happy?” Naomi asked softly.

Doctor Lawliet turned to her, finally taking his eyes off of his patient to see her expression. It was almost pained, as if she found the idea absurd or sad, but an option to consider nonetheless. Even though he knew what she meant, he decided to ask anyway, “What do you mean?”

“Would he be happy in his delusion, if he won and you lost; if he became Kira, the god with a pure world free of any criminals?”

“Even in a fake reality, the world would never be rid of criminals,” Lawliet muttered.

“Yes, but if he _believed_ it was, and thought he was free, do you think he would finally achieve peace as a god?”

“I know where you’re going with this, but I have to disagree on the ethical principles we are beholden to.”

“Our job is to ensure that our patients are happy and healthy,” she reminded him with a slightly stern edge to her voice. “If we can’t break him free of the delusion, can’t we at least let him live happily in it?”

“We have to _try_ , Naomi. We can’t just leave him like this. If not for his sake, at least think of his family. You saw Mr. Yagami. He can’t even do his job correctly anymore, and is bound to come through here with his own psychotic stress.”

“I know. But still…” she wondered aloud. “What would be the harm in letting him think his delusions were a reality?”

“Are you saying we conform to his delusions?”

“No, that we just…let him be.”

“I can’t allow that, and you know it. It would be against everything I have ever learned or experienced as a psychiatrist.”

“I guess that’s how we differ, Lawliet,” Naomi turned to him with a playful smile. “But I’m already dead to him, and he doesn’t even acknowledge my presence anymore. He refers to me as Kiyomi Takada, one of his classmates who he appears to have dated before being committed. She’s even visited at times, but he doesn’t distinguish between the two of us.”

Lawliet’s eyes widened slightly. “Really? He thinks you and Miss Takada are the same person now that you are ‘dead’ in his delusion?”

Naomi nodded. “The last time she came to visit, I asked her about what he said and did. She said he tried to pass her notes, acting like they were being watched—which they were, of course—but it was all within his delusion. He thought the _police_ were watching his exchanges with her, and the only way to convey his real messages was to pass notes.”

“And what did they say?”

“Half of them didn’t even make sense, it was just random words or phrases and sloppy handwriting. I’m sure he thought it looked fine within his delusion, but it didn’t quite translate into the real world. Apparently he was asking her to act as Kira in order to continue the killings and direct suspicion away from him.”

“Ah, the same tactic, just a different approach,” Lawliet said.

“Yes. I kept all of the notes he gave her, if you’d like to go over them.”

“I would, thank you.”

They broke away from the window, heading back to Naomi’s office to review Light’s notes. Lawliet took one final look back at Light’s twitching form.

**Light’s Perspective**

Light Yagami’s new mission was to create a pure world, with no criminals to plague society. Each day, he would kill off known criminals using the faces and names supplied by the media. No one knew, of course, because he was very careful with how he did it. Most criminals died of a heart attack, while others died in accidents that seemed unrelated to each other.

He created a secret compartment in his desk drawer to hide the notebook, ensuring that no one would find it, and if so, the notebook would be destroyed and all evidence against him vanish with it. He even devised a simple yet effective security system for his room in case his parents or the police ever came snooping around.

“No one would ever suspect me, Ryuk. I’m just a normal high school student,” Light shrugged, smirking. The shinigami chuckled. “I study while I’m at home, pay attention in class, and lead an active social life on the weekends. I couldn’t possibly be Kira.” He leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling.

But instead of studying, he was writing names in his Death Note. During class, he would write names on scraps of paper taken from the notebook while pretending to take notes. And on the weekends? Well, going out with Takada was just a cover, an alibi for the killings that occurred during his date. He timed them all perfectly, so he would never be suspected of the crimes.

Or so he thought. It wasn’t until the broadcast that he realized how dangerous this game had become.

“I am L, and I am going to find Kira to bring him to true justice.”

Light once again caught himself staring at the TV screen. A nemesis had appeared, going by the name of L, a famous detective who had solved some of the world’s most baffling cases up until this point. He was revealing himself for the first time, a middle-aged man with long black hair and piercing eyes with the name of Lind L. Tailor.

“Ha! This was almost too easy, ‘L’!” Light exclaimed, grabbing his notebook and pen. “You’ve exposed yourself now. I have your name and face, and now you’ll _die_ ,” he cackled, writing the name furiously in his Death Note.

He watched avidly as the man on the screen started to choke, dying of a heart attack on live television across the world. When they carried the body off screen, Light let out a burst of laughter. “How stupid could he be? Isn’t it obvious that I need the names and faces of criminals in order to kill them? You’re certainly no worthy adversary of Kira’s!”

Ryuk laughed along with him, until the screen changed.

“Hello, Kira.”

The detective was indeed alive and well, taunting him with a synthesized voice and the letter L. It was apparent that this was all a ruse to snuff Kira out, and Light had fallen for the trap like a fool.

“No…this can’t be…” Light gasped.

“The person who just died was a criminal, a stand-in for me because I knew that Kira needed a name and face to kill,” the real L explained.

The young man grew distraught. After all of his careful preparations and brilliant plans, he was so close to being caught. But he had more tricks up his sleeve, and he was confident that he would never be discovered as Kira.

“Very well, L. You are a worthy adversary after all,” Light told himself, sitting back and crossing his arms. Now was the time to get serious, if he ever hoped to lead the world into a pure, criminal-free revolution with himself as the god.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

Lawliet read over the notes of his first meeting with Light Yagami, after consulting with Naomi about the scribbles Light had passed to Takada during her visit. The moment Lawliet entered the room, Light chose him as the enemy. He was called only ‘L’ and given the backstory of a talented detective known throughout the world for handling tough cases, and Kira was the toughest of them all, according to the self-proclaimed god.

It didn’t take long for Lawliet to diagnose Light with delusional disorder and paranoid schizophrenia. His patient took it to be him closing in on the fact that he was Kira, talking about a live broadcast where L supposedly showed his face to the world, only to be killed by Kira moments later. But when Lawliet remained in front of him, the story changed to where it was a trick all along.

His patient sat babbling about how smart L was, complimenting the doctor’s own cleverness after delivering his diagnosis and treatment plans. But he remained firmly in his delusion, treating him as a detective who made him into a fool before revealing more about who Kira could be on a short list of suspects.

Lawliet knew from the first moment he saw him that Light was a clever man, and would be a difficult patient to treat. But it would all be worth it, in the end.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prologue covers most of the backstory leading up to Light’s admittance into the mental ward, along with Lawliet’s current dealings with him. The timeline isn’t going to be exact, because his delusions are sporadic.
> 
> Also, I’ve read that undifferentiated schizophrenia is more commonly seen in mental wards, but I believe Light would be more on the paranoid side. You’ll understand why in later chapters.
> 
> I like to think of Light’s delusions as similar to Baby Doll’s fantasies in Suckerpunch, so if you haven’t seen that movie, you should. Not only is it a psychological candy cane, but it’s also pretty badass.
> 
> Spoiler Alert: This won’t exactly have a happy ending, so sit down and buckle up.


	2. Chapter 1: Escapism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escapism: The tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, the timeline is going to get weird as far as it corroborates to the canon. Some things are going to happen out of order, due to Light’s delusional state of mind.

**Light’s Perspective**

“How are we feeling today, Light?” L’s mechanical voice cut through the dry, static air of the jail cell.

Light took a deep breath, feeling the presence of the shinigami beside him, contorting in pain due to his apple withdrawals. The would-be god thought it was pathetic for a shinigami to get all worked up and bent out of shape over a piece of fruit from the human world.

“I’m fine,” he answered evenly. Everything was going as it should, just according to plan.

“I…neeeeed….apples!” Ryuk cried out, breath uneven and voice primal. Light wanted to tell him to hush, to stop acting like a child, but he knew his enemy was listening. If the god of death would just be  _ patient _ , he would get his damn apples soon.

“Are you ready to confess to the crime of being Kira?” L asked, as he usually did. It was hard to tell his emotions through the voice modulator, but Light could almost hear the imperceptible playfulness coming through his tone. This was all just a game to the detective.

“No, and if you have any further delusions of my being Kira, you should  _ get rid of them _ ,” Light replied, letting a small amount of emotion slip through his control, a quiet murmur of seething hatred to let L know his true feelings about the situation. Or at least what he  _ wanted _ the detective to believe were his true feelings.  _ ‘Act human,’ _ he told himself,  _ ‘and they won’t think you’re a god.’ _

Ryuk paused in his imitation of a drug addict going through withdrawals, unhinging his limbs from around his body and straightening. “Is that so, get rid of them? You mean the notebook, right?” he questioned.

“You want me to stop believing that you are Kira? Even after the crimes have stopped, and all logic points to you as the suspect?” L asked, again with that hint of a coy, playful tone. It could be his way of manipulating Light just as he was trying to do. They were playing a game of wits, with a deadly end for the loser.

“Yes,” Light answered, both to the mechanical voice and the shinigami beside him. “It doesn’t prove I’m Kira, just that someone could be trying to frame me, or it’s a coincidence.”

“Very well then. It was nice knowing ya, kid. Have fun in this shithole,” Ryuk said, flexing his wings and disappearing through the wall.

“I doubt this is all a coincidence, Light, and I’m sure you do as well. Nervous?” L replied.

“Why would I be nervous?” Light asked, hiding a smirk. He wanted to laugh, to sound his victory. So close. It would all be over soon. He just had to get through this.

“Because I’m getting closer to finding the truth,” L answered.

_ ‘No, you’re getting closer to your grave,’ _ Light thought, biting back laughter. “Then why haven’t I been sentenced to a trial yet? Let’s face it, L, you still have doubts, and not enough evidence to convict me.”

“I have plenty of evidence, but a confession is always the best resolution to a crime,” L replied.

“Well, you’re never going to get it from me,” Light leaned back against the bed, closing his eyes. He would never spill his secrets. He would never give L what he wanted. They could burn him alive and his mouth would remain closed for eternity.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

“How are we doing today, Light?” the doctor sat next to his patient’s bed as usual for their daily meeting. Light was still tightly strapped in, twitching and staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m fine,” the patient replied, but it sounded breathless, mumbled, as if he were half-awake and speaking through a dream. It was how most of their conversations sounded.

“Are you ready to leave the delusion that you are Kira?” Lawliet asked, just to see what kind of answer he would receive.

“No, and if you have any further delusions of my being Kira, you should  _ get rid of them _ ,” Light answered viciously, his words slurred and sounding like a growling animal ready to attack.

The psychiatrist sighed, rubbing his eyes. The case plagued him at night, allowing him little rest as he tried to find the solution to his patient’s dilemma. If he could only find the  _ source _ of the delusion, the cause for Light’s manic episodes, he would have something substantial to work with.

At first he thought it was the notebook. He probed Soichiro about it, asking where his son got the damned thing and what kind of hold it had over him. The police chief simply explained that it was just a notebook he got his son for the school year, and that one night, when the delusions first began, he caught Light using white-out to write the words ‘Death Note’ onto it.

Soichiro said Light’s hands were shaking, and that’s why the letters looked so barbaric compared to his normally smooth handwriting. Everything written in the notebook had a twisted, hazy slant to it that differed greatly from Light’s usual notes. It was as if he couldn’t see the actual pages, even though Lawliet checked his eyesight multiple times. That was the first sign of his delusional world taking over.

It was when he heard his son laughing, an eerie, bone-chilling sound from within his room, that the police chief finally noticed something was wrong. He recounted how he heard the noise one night when he came home and immediately marched up to his son’s room to see what was happening. When he opened the door, he saw Light hunched over the notebook at his desk, scribbling fiercely with wide eyes and that steady, almost inhuman laughter.

He was sweating, and didn’t even seem to notice his father approaching. Soichiro said he took his son by the shoulders and started shaking him, raising his voice to get his attention. But Light was gone, and only Kira stared back at him through Light’s unfocused and dilated eyes.

“You want me to stop believing you have this delusion? Even after I’ve proven several times that your ‘Death Note’ doesn’t actually work?” Lawliet asked, leaning closer to measure his patient’s reaction. He was twitching, eyes searching frantically, breathing rapidly.

“Yes.” The clarity of his statement surprised the doctor, but only for a second as Light continued. “It doesn’t prove I’m Kira, just that someone could be trying to frame me, or it’s a coincidence.”

_ ‘He’s still in his delusion. He probably can’t even hear me, or know what I’m saying. I wonder what kind of conversation we’re having in his mind,’ _ Lawliet thought.

“What are you so afraid of, Light? Are you nervous about letting go of the delusion and coming back to reality?” the doctor pressed onward.

“Why would I be nervous?” Light answered. All of his responses so far seemed to mirror the conversation they were having, but the psychiatrist knew he was answering L, the fictive detective in his mind, and not Lawliet himself.

“Because you don’t want to acknowledge your life outside of the delusion. You don’t want to go back to the normal, boring hum-drum of everyday life. Because you want to be a  _ god _ ,” the psychiatrist whispered. He knew, deep down, the fears that lay within his patient’s mind, the unspoken thoughts Light would probably never acknowledge out loud, let alone inside of his own head.

“Then why haven’t I been sentenced to a trial yet? Let’s face it, L, you still have doubts, and not enough evidence to convict me.”

There it was. Back to the delusion. Light was twisting his words inside of his head, changing them from ‘delusion’ to ‘Kira’ and ‘treatment’ to ‘trial’. It was hopeless, trying to communicate with him this way.

“You haven’t been  _ treated  _ because you won’t allow us to treat you. I’d really prefer your consent on this, Light, for your own sake. I’d hate to have to force you into anything. But if I don’t get your approval, I’ll have to do what is best for you in the long run.”

“Well, you’re never going to get it from me.”

In the back of his mind, Lawliet had the fleeting hope that Light  _ knew _ the conversation they were having, but stubbornly refused to acknowledge the truth of it. The parallels to what was going on in his head and what was happening in real life were too close to simply ignore. Whether he was aware of it or not, he was holding a conversation with both L  _ and _ Lawliet.

_ ‘Please, let me help you,’ _ the doctor thought. He lifted his hand, slowly reaching out, tentatively. Light was unpredictable. Sometimes he allowed a small touch, but other times he grew aggressive and thrashed around. Lawliet wondered what mood he was in today.

Just before his fingers touched the patient’s skin, a nurse knocked on the window. Lawliet looked up, seeing the signal of distress that meant his attention was needed elsewhere.

Standing, he abandoned Light to his bed and left the room.

“What is it, Wedy?”

“It’s a new patient, sir.” They walked quickly down the hall to where the newcomers were taken.

“Details?” he asked as they walked, glancing at the paperwork the nurse handed over.

“Female, early 20’s, Dissociative Identity.”

“What caused it?” he asked as they entered the confinement room.

“They say she saw her parents get murdered as a child, and ever since then she developed an alter ego to deal with it.”

“So she’s been in a mental ward before,” Lawliet concluded, watching the woman currently struggling with her straight jacket in the small room.

“Yes, she was admitted by a friend of the family shortly after the death of her parents, due to her trauma. During the course of her internment, they realized she had developed a split personality. They say she’s a compulsive liar as well.”

“I see,” he murmured, chewing on his thumbnail once again. “Why was she transferred here?” She looked harmless enough, he told himself as he watched her sob against the restraints.

“They thought you would be better for the job, I guess. Your treatment methods are known to be more effective.”

“But I have my hands full already with Light Yagami. Did the normal treatments not work on her?” he asked, examining her file more closely.

“She has a propensity for seducing her doctors, to the point where her former psychiatrist resigned and decided to transfer her care over to this institution,” Wedy told him. 

Lawliet looked up at her sharply, hands stilling over the pages of the file. “My, my…” the psychiatrist breathed, looking back at the bound woman.

The nurse studied him for a moment. “Think you can resist temptation, Doctor?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He blinked owlishly at her. “What? Of course. I would never do something so unethical as to sleep with my patient.”

“That’s what Eraldo Coil said.” Wedy gave him a knowing look and walked away.

**Light’s Perspective**

“I told you, I’m not Kira!” he yelled franticly. “You have to let me out, I’m innocent!” His heartbeat was racing, pulse pounding loudly in his ears, relentless. He couldn’t breathe, body tense from the bindings around his hands, eyes seeking relief outside of the bars that enclosed him into his own hell.

He didn’t know why he was being accused of being Kira. Light wasn’t even sure how he got into this jail cell in the first place, even though L told him he volunteered to be held in confinement to prove he wasn’t Kira. But it didn’t make sense. There were holes in his mind, blank holes he couldn’t fill. Where did the time go?

“I don’t know why you think that’s going to work, Light. The killings haven’t started up again,” L answered in his disguised, robotic voice. It grated on Light’s nerves, that cold static lashing out at his ears.

“That’s…” Light began, unable to keep track of himself anymore,  _ ‘not possible’ _ he added in his mind, but he couldn’t very well say that out loud. L would take that phrase and rip it to shreds in front of his very eyes. “So this is it then? What now? What are you going to do to me next?”

“I want to hear you say it,” that voice, so sharp like ice in his veins, had a commanding edge to it. A demand which could lead to mercy…or more torture.

“There’s no point, because it  _ isn’t true _ ! I’m telling you, you’re making a mistake!  _ You’re wrong _ !” Light practically shrieked. He wanted out of this cell. The handcuffs made him nervous and he was restless, lying on the floor instead of on the bed because it felt better there for some reason. The cold kept him awake at night, kept him alert and ready. But for what, he wasn’t quite sure.

“Please calm down, Light. Get some rest, it looks like you need it.”

“No! Let me go!” Light replied back, childishly. He choked back a sob.  _ ‘Don’t let him see you cry,’ _ he thought. But why? What would it matter if he broke down in front of L? This pride, it didn’t belong to him. Why did he care so much?

His head was bowed forward, long bangs covering his face as he hid it from the camera out of instinct. He knew he couldn’t let L see him like his, even if he didn’t quite understand it. He had to remain calm. He was innocent, of course he was. They would see, soon. They would let him go, apologize for the mistake, and he would be helping them catch Kira again in no time.

Or so he hoped.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

Light struggled vehemently against the restraints. Today was not a good day. Lawliet’s patient was reeling around on the bed, shrieking and clawing. Lawliet was called into the room after the nurses told him of his erratic behavior but they could barely hold a conversation.

“I told you, I’m not Kira!” he kept screaming it over and over. He begged to be let go, to be released. Lawliet wasn’t sure if he was finally becoming aware of his surroundings, or if his delusions were causing all of this distress.

The psychiatrist discovered that Light thought he was being held in a jail cell, after allowing himself to be restrained. Based on the one-sided conversations they had, it was originally to clear his name of being the mass murderer known as Kira. Lawliet was still trying to piece everything together. ‘ _ Why would he try to lie his way out of it? Was he caught by the police already?’  _ the doctor asked himself. No, because they were still interrogating him, and by his knowledge of the justice system and after talking with Soichiro himself, he knew that Light would not be under trial just yet. So the fictive detectives suspected him, and were trying to gather proof for a solid conviction.

“I can’t let you go until you calm down. You were doing so well, I was almost ready to take the straps off,” Lawliet told him, unsure if the message would even get through. Light’s delusions seemed differently as of late. He wasn’t acting like his usual self—well, his usual  _ delusional _ self. Something was wrong here. Light stopped insinuating that he was Kira a few days ago; there was no more laughter, no plotting or scheming, even his fingers stopped mimicking the movement of writing.

Either his delusions had changed, or something else was going on. The psychiatrist had to find out what happened before it was too late. It may be the only way to save the young man.

“What are you going to do to me?” Light keened, fearful. Fear, that was it. This was the first time Lawliet had noticed any kind of fear in his patient. Light truly seemed scared to be locked up. He was even crying, words choked out through wet lips.

“I want to help you, Light. I know you’re not Kira. This is all a delusion you’ve created in your mind.”

“That’s not true! You’re wrong!” he screamed, thrashing even more wildly. Wedy moved forward, prepared to hold him down as Naomi reached for the syringe which held a powerful tranquilizer they used for these moments. Lawliet held up a hand, stopping them.  _ ‘Not yet,’ _ he thought.  _ ‘I want to give him a chance.’ _

“Please calm down, Light. Get some rest, it looks like you need it,” the doctor said in a soft, caring tone. He hoped he could reach the young man through all of his carefully constructed walls surrounding his delusions. It wasn’t good for his health to be straining so much.

Light only sobbed more, screaming like a child throwing a temper tantrum. “No! Let me go!”

“Something’s different,” Naomi muttered. So she had seen it too.

“What do you think it is, Misora?” the doctor asked, never taking his eyes off of the form thrashing around on the bed, staining his pillow with tears.

“Is it his delusions? Are they hurting him?” she asked, taking a step closer. Wedy watched them carefully, all caution and ready to strike at any moment.

“I think he changed something in his delusions,” Lawliet replied. “Has anything about his routine changed? Different medications, new visitors, anything happen recently?” the doctor asked. He had been busy with the new girl who thought she was some pop idol model with a movie star boyfriend. He felt like he had betrayed Light by giving his attention to another patient, and this was the man’s way of punishing him.

“No, except your recent absences to deal with other patients. It just happened so suddenly,” Wedy answered him. Naomi nodded in agreement.

“Then he did something. Either he started to catch on to the real world and decided to delve deeper, or his delusions are…fighting back…” he doubted the words the second they left his mouth. They weren’t fighting back. 

“Put him on 24/7 suicide watch. Keep a nurse with him at all times, and never take your eyes off the cameras,” Lawliet ordered. Light was a dissolving mess, his movements slowing as he lost energy. The doctor reached out to him again, this time able to make contact. The room quieted as he stroked Light’s hair, brushing away the tears from his cheeks.

The affection was more out of empathy and pity than any true love for his patient. He was being truthful when he said he would never sleep with his patients, or engage in any intimate acts. Not even fall in love. But Light Yagami was such a beautiful soul to admire, it was painful to watch him turn into this mess. Lawliet didn’t know what he was like outside of his delusions, but from what his father said of him and how his friends spoke of him, the doctor wished he could have seen the real man lying before him in his prime.

He needed to find out more about Light Yagami. He needed to talk more with his teachers, friends, family members, even strangers who happened to be in the boy’s presence. Anyone who could know what went wrong in his life to make him throw it all away and hide behind this shell, this delusion of a god who could murder with just a face and a name.

Was he lashing out at his enemies? From what Lawliet heard, the young man wasn’t the kind who left people wanting revenge. He was the top of his class, admired for his brilliance. He was attractive and popular, polite and reserved. Everyone loved Light Yagami.

_ ‘Was it the love? Was he afraid of failing in so many people’s eyes, of losing their love and being cast aside? Was he afraid the love would turn to hate and anger should he falter, make one mistake or take one misstep and fall before them all?’ _ It pained the doctor to think that could be the cause, something so common, so simple, to break Light into a million pieces like this.

The screams died down to whimpers as his patient finally relaxed beneath his soft caress. Sometimes it took only a soft touch to calm the young man down. It didn’t work for anyone else but Lawliet. He wondered about that, seeing as he was supposed to be the enemy in Light’s delusions. Was it wise to give yourself over to your enemies, to throw yourself into the lion’s pit and cuddle the beasts? Or maybe he just craved the touch, the thought of being comforted by someone, even someone trying to destroy him.

“We had to have missed something. Some trigger, some code. I want to find the exact moment when he started to change and pinpoint what caused it,” Lawliet stated once Light fell asleep. He stood, limbs aching and feeling the pull of sleep tugging at his bones. But how could he sleep when Light could be gone in the morning?

“I’ll watch the recordings and talk to the nurses on staff this morning,” Naomi said.

“It was recently,” Wedy spoke up. “Maybe one of your conversations got to him, and he’s fighting against it.”

Lawliet pondered this, going over the conversations they had in the last few days. He had to admit there was a distinct shift somewhere, but…he couldn’t quite place his finger on it. “I’m going to look over my notes,” He muttered, already turning away.

“What about—,” Wedy began, half-turning to him, but he was already out of the door and storming down the hall, shoulders hunched over and knees bent.

***

Lawliet’s eyes scanned over his notes without blinking, searching for something he missed, something subtle in Light’s actions, something telling in their conversations. He was always on the lookout for code words or phrases, something that would give his patients away, something he could use, grasp onto, to pull them out of oblivion.

“It has to be here…” he growled under his breath. He was just as frantic as Light was earlier when he was jerking around on the bed and pulling at the restraints. Papers and books were scattered across his desk, some even piling onto the floor. It was as if a hurricane had blown through, and now he was in the eye of it, preparing for the worst that was yet to come.

Something caught his eye. It was a conversation they had the other day, right before Light started begging to be released. Lawliet examined his notes from that day closely. It had to be in there somewhere.

_ Me: “How are we doing today, Light?” _

_ Light: “I’m fine.” _

_ Me: “Are you ready to leave the delusion that you are Kira?” _

_ Light: “No, and if you have any further delusions of my being Kira, you should get rid of them.” _

Lawliet read over that line a few times. When he first heard Light say the word ‘delusions,’ he thought his patient was finally acknowledging his condition. But he dismissed it after the rest of the conversation. Light thought  _ he _ was deluded—not Lawliet, but L, his detective alter ego. But the wording still made him pause.

The psychiatrist knew Light would sometimes talk to Ryuk, the shinigami. He knew Light was intelligent and clever even in his delusional world, cunning enough to make elaborate plans to get away with mass murder. This has to be a code. Why would he choose these exact words? He remembered with perfect clarity the way he spoke them, so fiercely, so pointedly. They had to mean something.

A thought occurred to him, one that sent a feeling of dread down his spine. He stilled, becoming a statue as the thought consumed him. He read over the line a few times, changed some of the words.

_ No, and if I have any memories of being Kira, I should get rid of them. _

He was talking to himself, Lawliet realized. Perhaps to the shinigami as well, but this was definitely the phrase that sparked the change.

“Naomi!” he called, racing down the halls. The other psychologist was studying their latest patient closely. She turned, and before she could open her mouth to ask why he looked like a mad scientist fleeing his not-so-perfect creation, he burst, “It’s amnesia! He gave himself amnesia!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: Light’s delusion is a form of escapism, which is basically a coping mechanism employed after trauma, or a way to deal with circumstances you cannot control. Some people get lost in the worlds they create to escape reality. As someone who went through it at a young age, I can verify that it’s not an easy mountain to climb. Of course, escapism and delusions may not land you in a mental ward, or ever get this bad, but it has its problems.


	3. Schizophrenia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schizophrenia: A severe brain disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. It may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior. The paranoid type is characterized by systematized delusions or frequent hallucinations related to a single theme.

**Naomi’s Perspective**

“Amnesia? You really think so?” Naomi asked. She was torn away from a woman with a split personality to collaborate with the other doctor in this new development. Light Yagami was always surprising them, and the closer they got to solving his riddle, the more complicated it became. What they were dealing with was already practically unheard of. Delusions this powerful were rare, and paired with schizophrenia, it was almost deadly.

“It has to be. That’s the only explanation I can consider. I just don’t know _how,_ ” Doctor Lawliet mumbled beside her. He was biting his thumb again, chewing on the skin without even noticing. He probably didn’t feel the pain at all, anymore. It was a nervous habit she noticed soon after working with him.

In the mental health field, there was always the temptation to diagnose everyone you see, but Naomi didn’t dare name a mental disorder for Lawliet. For one, there were too many disorders to consider, and for two, once she found the proper one, she would never be able to reconcile her mind to the fact that one of the most intelligent human beings she knew, and one of the top psychiatrists in the world, was the one who needed the most therapy.

“Do you think he knows what he’s doing all along? Do you think he’s playing games with us?” Naomi asked. They were monitoring the young man through the viewing room, watching him twitch against the straps as usual. His behavior was still off, however.

One thing that kept running through Doctor Misora’s mind was whether or not Light Yagami was conscious of his actions. Whether he was simply a failed prodigy or an actual _genius_ taking them all for a twisted little ride in his head. She was used to mind games, from therapy sessions in her private practice to patient examinations at Wammy’s Ward. Most of them were obvious—those with mental disorders usually let on a lot more than they thought—but some…oh, some were _cunning._

Naomi believed Light Yagami had the capacity to be cunning, to be smart enough to trick them all. She went through his records when he was admitted by his distraught father, the usual procedure to learn more about the patient, and discovered his knack for mental awareness. High grades, intense focus, a beautiful intellect—all of these things made Light a dangerous case. He could have just been bored and faked his mental breakdown to get inside of the institution and have some fun.

She hadn’t told Lawliet about her full theory yet, of course. He was probably thinking the same thing, but didn’t want to admit to being a fool. He was childish in that respect, and hated losing. Then again, it could all just be a poor young man’s break from reality, and not an act at all. Still, she couldn’t allow her guard to drop at any moment, and not once did she ever dismiss the idea that Light was the puppeteer pulling their strings.

“It’s always a possibility,” Lawliet replied after a moment. She wasn’t surprised with his response. It was typical of him to act like he already knew the answer before she gave it to him. Whether it was due to his ego or neurotic mindset was yet unclear.

“Do you think he’s doing it right now?” she questioned, voice slightly lower. There was no way their patient could hear the conversation through the room, but caution was always her best skill.

Lawliet hummed, eyes narrowing slightly as he looked closer at Light. “There’s only one way to find out.” Before she could respond, he was swiftly entering the room and advancing upon the patient. She followed, closing the door behind her.

“Light, give it up. We know it’s all an act, so you can stop pretending now,” Lawliet stated.

“I highly doubt it will be that easy…” Naomi sighed. The man was eccentric, and sometimes it got on her nerves. But still, it couldn’t hurt to try.

Light’s eyes moved frantically behind his eyelids, fingers twitching, but he said nothing.

“Come on, time to stop now. I have patients who actually need my help in here, so I can’t bother with you anymore. This was a fun game while it lasted, but it’s time to end it. What will your father think? I can almost imagine his response,” the doctor continued.

“Don’t upset him too much, or we’ll have to sedate him again,” Naomi muttered.

“Wha…what are you talking about?” Light replied, speech heavy with sleep, as if passing through a fog to get to them. “I’m not…Kira…not…pretending…”

“There is no Kira, Light. We’ve already been over this. How many times must I tell you? Now stop this silly little game so I can get back to my _real_ patients,” Lawliet said, voice angry. His expression, however, remained calm. Naomi knew this was all an act as well, just to see how their patient would respond.

“You’re keeping someone else prisoner?” Light’s voice went higher in pitch, as if astounded and afraid.

“You’re not in prison, you’re in a mental ward. But you already know that. Come on, open your eyes and quit pretending.”

“I’m not…I’m not…not…” Light was unresponsive. There was no sign of deceit in his words or actions.

“It’s no use,” Naomi muttered. She was more disappointed in seeing her theory proven wrong than anything else. Of course this case would prove impossible. Of course it would never be that easy.

Lawliet sighed, shoulders slightly slumping in defeat.

“For a moment, I truly believed your theory would hold true,” the other doctor murmured, sounding just as disappointed as she felt. “But it looks like he’s truly involved in his delusion, after all.”

**Light’s Perspective**

“Light, give it up. We know it’s all an act, so you can stop pretending now.”

He jolted awake after hearing the voice, eyes flying wide open. It was L again, taunting him through the robotic voice. Light couldn’t remember how long he had been locked in the cell, but it felt like ages.

“Come on, time to stop now. There are other criminals who need to be caught, so I can’t bother with you anymore. This was a fun game while it lasted, but it’s time to end it. What will your father think? I can almost imagine his response.”

“S-Stop it!” Light cried out. “Wha-what are you talking about? I’m _not_ Kira, and I’m not pretending about anything!”

“The killings have stopped, Light. We’ve already been over this. How many times must I tell you? Now stop this silly little game so I can put you and her behind  _real_ bars.”

Light was shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut. It couldn’t be true. He wasn’t lying, why couldn’t L see that? There was no way he could be Kira. If the killings stopped, it was just a coincidence, or Kira was trying to frame him so he wouldn’t get caught. They were probably getting close, and this was just a convenient way to get them off of his trail.

Something about what L said caught his attention. “You’re keeping someone else prisoner?” he exclaimed as it clicked. L said ‘you and _her_ ,’ as if there was someone else he was holding captive, someone else who was suspicious.

“She was caught with you, don’t you remember? Come on, quit pretending you don’t know what’s going on,” L told him.

“I’m not!” Light yelled. He was shaking, fighting back tears. He was innocent. That poor girl they captured along with him was probably innocent too. “Don’t you see? Kira is framing us! You were getting too close to him, so he’s using us as an excuse to focus on instead!”

“Wouldn’t that be convenient?” L mocked him.

“It would be for _him_!” Light argued. “Think about it. The killings stopped as soon as I was put in here, right? He probably knew about it, and is trying to blame me for it!” Light’s eyes widened as a realization came upon him. “Oh god…it’s probably someone on the task force! L, you have to be careful, he could kill you if he knows your name!” he screamed, horrified at the thought of Kira being among the detectives who were trying to catch him. It would be the perfect disguise, the perfect way in, and the perfect way to sabotage everything. “Oh no, my father! Please tell me he’s safe, please let him know Kira could be one of the task force members!” he pleaded.

He didn’t want to lose anyone else to this madman, especially not his father.

“Tsk, tsk, Kira. You’re reaching too far now. Why would someone put themselves directly in the line of fire? Kira would never be so bold as to join the very task force trying to catch him. You just want me to think that so I’ll let you go. It’s exactly what Kira would say, and you’re proving it right now.”

“No!” Light shouted, getting angrier now. “You’re not listening! I’m telling you I’m _not Kira_! It has to be someone on the task force. You were already suspicious of them before, weren’t you? That’s when you started investigating me, because of the leaked information. What if Kira is one of the members who stayed on? He could be in the room with you right now!”

“Or he could be one of the members who joined later on,” L said in a cold tone. “He could be someone I’ve suspected and investigated from the beginning, just trying to cover his tracks with excuse after excuse. How would you explain that, Light? How can you prove you’re not Kira?”

“I _can’t,_ I just know I’m not!” the prisoner burst. He tried to steady his breathing, calm his nerves so he could think more rationally. L wasn’t going to believe him about Kira being someone else on the task force unless he could prove it wasn’t Light. “Even if I _was_ Kira, I have no memory of ever committing those murders.”

“So are you admitting to it?” L asked, voice hopeful even through the modulator.

“No!” Light gave an exasperated sigh. “I’m just saying there’s nothing in my memories to indicate that I am Kira.”

“It could be a split personality. Or you could have amnesia,” L countered.

 _‘Maybe…’_ Light thought. But he couldn’t imagine himself as Kira, he couldn’t see himself as a murderer. He shook his head. “The point is, I can’t prove or disprove that I’m not Kira. But you _have_ to consider that it might be someone else, that this might just be a set-up. For whatever reason, Kira is using me and that other girl as scapegoats.”

It was silent for a moment, the sound loud in Light’s mind. He thought L had finally given up and left, like he sometimes did when Light refused to confess to the crime he was being accused of. But after a moment, that crisp voice came back again. “Fine. I’ll let you go, and we’ll see what happens from there.”

Light’s mouth dropped open, eyes blinking up at the camera. He must have presented quite an amusing sight, but he couldn’t care at the moment. _‘L is…letting me go?’_

“Really? You’re letting me go? And what about the other girl, are you letting her go too?” he asked, astonished. There had to be some trick here, some catch. Maybe it was another test. L was _always_ testing him one way or the other.

“Mhm. If you’re really not Kira, then the killings will probably resume once you’re released—then again, that could indicate that you _are_ in fact Kira. If Kira really _is_ a member of the task force and is attempting to frame you, he’ll try to use a different method. But if you’re lying…you _will_ die, Light Yagami.”

The young man gulped, throat dry and tongue nearly numb. He was going to be set free.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

“You’re really going to let him walk around?” Naomi questioned him. The nurses were already unstrapping Light from the bed, although their patient barely stirred.

“He needs the exercise, and maybe it will help him. He can’t stay in his delusions and navigate around the ward, now can he?”

“Unless he turns this place into something else in his head,” Naomi muttered. “But you don’t think it’s dangerous? What if he…I don’t know, goes berserk on another patient?”

“Naomi, that stigma isn’t healthy and you know it. He won’t hurt anyone,” Lawliet told her. He thought about going into a lecture about how people with mental disorders weren’t all crazy, ax-wielding murderers like they show on TV, but she probably already knew that and would just roll her eyes as usual.

“He thinks a magical notebook can kill people by writing down their names and thinking of their face,” she said with a straight-faced expression. “I highly doubt it would be illogical to think he would attack someone if the notebook doesn’t work like he wants, or if he imagines himself doing the killings. We have to at least keep him alone.”

“No. I think it would be good for him to interact with other patients. He won’t be able to explain all of them in his delusions,” the doctor replied. Wedy was rubbing Light’s legs, trying to get more circulation flowing in them so he could walk.

“His delusions are powerful. He could probably come up with an alter ego for everyone in this institution. I told you how he adapted me back in after he supposedly killed me.”

“Then we use this as a way to further examine him. We figure out how his delusions work by figuring out how he characterizes everyone in his head. I’d love to see him interact with _her_.”

“Absolutely not,” Naomi stated, tone authoritative. Even though this was technically Lawliet’s domain, she wasn’t going to back down. Wedy looked up from Light to watch the exchange with carefully guarded eyes.

Lawliet finally turned to her, blinking in confusion. “Why not?” he asked. He truly didn’t believe Light was a threat to anyone. The only reason why he was strapped down in the first place was so that he couldn’t hurt _himself_ in a delusional episode.

“It would be too dangerous. She’s just as unstable as he is,” Naomi answered, crossing her arms and glowering at him.

“But she knows she’s in an institution. Maybe she could get through to him,” he suggested with a raised eyebrow.

“Or she’ll just play along. She already has a split personality and lies about everything. She’s shown signs of being susceptible to others’ ideas. There would be no reason for her to tell him the truth; she could just as easily believe his delusions.”

“And wouldn’t that be _interesting_?” he countered with a small smile.

She sighed. “Lawliet, this is madness.”

He gestured all around them. “Well, good thing we’re in a mental institution.”

Naomi didn’t laugh at his joke. Instead, she turned on her heel and exited the patient’s room, storming down the hall like he did the other day.

Lawliet turned back to watch Wedy helping Light sit up. The nurse met his eyes and gave a shrug. The patient looked around, bleary-eyed. It was the first time in a while that he wasn’t under constant sedation. He looked straight at Lawliet, and for a moment the doctor thought he would acknowledge him, would know where he was and why, but Light kept looking around without a word.

“We’re going to let you roam around a bit, Light. Of course, you’ll be supervised just in case you get lost or something bad happens. But doesn’t that sound fun? You get to stretch your legs,” Lawliet told him with a comforting smile. He hated talking to Light this way, as if talking to a child. He knew the young man was capable of much greater things, but his mind was holding him back right now, like a traitor.

Light’s eyes returned to his again, and he blinked a few times. They looked so clear now. “Thank you for finally letting me go, L.”

The hope that was slowly starting to rise in Lawliet’s chest wilted quickly at the mention of the arch nemesis detective’s name. Light would probably never recognize him for who he truly was.

“You earned it,” he said half-heartedly. Torn between playing along and remaining unbiased, he wasn’t even sure how the ‘L’ in Light’s mind even behaved, let alone how to mimic this behavior. Light gave him a small smile, but something was still off about it, like there was something missing. He was wobbling, balance wavering as he took a few steps forward. Wedy took hold of his arm and helped him.

Light looked at the nurse and gave her the same smile. “Thank you, Wedy, I appreciate the help. Being chained up in that cell was pretty uncomfortable,” he chuckled lightly.

Wedy’s eyes widened and she gave Lawliet a panicked look. Did she go along with it, or tell him the truth? The psychiatrist shook his head slightly.

“Come on, let’s see if you can make it to the door. You’ll need to walk around for a bit to get the feeling back in your legs, and then you can move on your own,” she said in her usual nurse’s tone.

“How is it that he can call everyone else by their real name except for me?” Lawliet murmured with a small pout as he watched. It was one of the things that unnerved him about his patient: Light would refer to everyone by their names, even the delusion’s alter egos, but never once called him Lawliet, only L. He knew in Light’s mind they were all different people. Wedy was apparently a master thief who L brought onto the team to help catch Kira, and of course Doctor Misora went from Naomi, the distraught widow of an FBI agent who Kira killed—and who, coincidentally, was the same fiancé Naomi broke up with recently when she found out the man was cheating on her, right after Light was admitted—to Takada, an ex-girlfriend and former classmate of Light’s.

Part of this little experiment was to see how he would fit everyone else into his delusions. Other staff members were made into detectives on the task force, such as the guard, Aizowa, the pharmacist, Mogi, and even the young intern, Matsuda. Only Light’s father remained the same person both in reality and within his delusion: the police chief. Lawliet put a lot of thought into _why_ the elder Yagami was the same, but couldn’t come up with much. It was probably just convenient, formed at the beginning of the delusion when Light’s mind couldn’t come up with alter egos for everyone he met.

But the delusions, and the world they lived in, progressed so rapidly that Light could probably imagine an entire world of fake realities.

The doctor followed his patient and the nurse at a leisurely pace as they walked slowly down the hall. He watched Light Yagami carefully, looking for any signs of odd behavior. So far, he was being sweet to Wedy, chatting and laughing as if he was never incarcerated or strapped down in the first place. Lawliet was seeing the charm Light was known for before being admitted, the easy-going nature his classmates talked about, first-hand.

“We’ll just take a turn around this corner, and then we’ll be in the main room,” Wedy instructed, guiding Light gently by the arm. She glanced back at Lawliet, who gave another small nod. “Now, there will be others in this room, and we expect you to behave with them, okay? Can you do that, Light?”

“Oh, the other members of the task force are here?” Light asked. Something closely resembling panic flashed across his eyes, but was replaced by that familiar façade and a smile. “It’ll be nice seeing everyone again after so long.”

Lawliet narrowed his eyes. _‘What was that look of fear?’_ he wondered. When they turned the corner, he caught himself holding his breath. Several patients were milling about in the main room, some sitting at chairs playing cards, others gathered around the small TV, and more just aimlessly wandering.

The doctor couldn’t help but to smile when he saw Doctor Misora and her patient at the pill counter, getting her medication. He urged Wedy and Light forward before Naomi could steer her patient away, ignoring the gleeful feeling he got when she shot him a glare as they approached.

Light had been surveying the other patients with a content smile on his face, and his eyes quickly locked onto the woman at Naomi’s side. She, in turn, put an extra bounce in her step as she moved forward, making her blond pigtails swish around, with Naomi’s hand gripping her shoulder.

“Light, I would like for you to meet someone,” Lawliet murmured, coming up beside his patient. Naomi was still sending him death glares, clearly uncomfortable with the interaction, but his curiosity yearned to be sated. “This is Doctor Misora’s patient, Miss Misa Amane.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The build-up was all leading to the introduction of Misa Amane! Things will start getting more interesting for Wammy’s Ward in the next chapters.


	4. Split Personality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Split Personality: The presence of a separate personality, with its own beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts; sometimes unknown to the original personality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed Misa’s introduction! Now for the much anticipated interaction~

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

Lawliet’s eyes were locked onto Light’s face, hoping to pick up on any subtle change of expression. Naomi, in turn, kept her eyes on Misa as she introduced them. “Misa, this is Doctor Lawliet’s patient, Light Yagami. He was here before you transferred over.” Her voice was tight, but her eyes held a certain glint that Lawliet knew well. She was just as interested in how they would interact as he was.

Misa grinned wide. “Hi! I’m Misa Misa. It’s nice to meet you Light,” she greeted with a grin. “My, he’s very handsome,” she whispered to Naomi and giggled.

“It’s very nice to meet you as well, Miss Misa Misa,” Light replied warmly, smile brightening. Lawliet held back a chuckle at the slight tick in Naomi’s neck when Light used her patient’s stage name without hesitation. The doctors glanced at each other, and Wedy watched the exchanges between both patients and doctors carefully.

“I’m going to perform a concert tonight, would you like to come see me?” Misa asked quickly with an excited air about her.

“No, Misa, I already told you—,” Naomi began.

“I would love to!” Light answered, turning to Lawliet. “If that’s okay with L. Do you still consider me your prisoner?”

_ ‘Shit, he’s still doing it,’  _ Lawliet thought and fought to keep his expression neutral. “Oh no, I released you, remember? As long as you have Wedy or someone else with you at all times, you are free to walk around as you please.”

Naomi gave a slight shake of her head, and he thought he heard her mumble, “So that’s how we’re doing this, huh?”

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Light looked genuinely happy to be free of the restraints and out of his room, so Lawliet didn’t feel too bad about his decision, but still…

***

“Do you think we’re moving too fast?” he whispered to Doctor Misora as they watched their patients interact, Wedy acting as the babysitter for now.

“Yes. Entirely too fast,” she murmured back, still upset with his actions. “But it’s too late to turn back now. I guess we just have to see what happens,” she sighed, shrugging. Cutting her eyes over to him, she warned, “But if this backfires, Lawliet, don’t expect me to come save you. Messing with your own patient is one thing, but this could damage the work I’ve been doing with Miss Amane if we’re not careful.”

“Then we’ll have to watch their interactions closely, and make sure they aren’t alone together for too long,” he muttered, thumb yet again at his bottom lip as his eyes stayed glue to the pair.

**Misa’s Perspective**

“So how long have they kept you here? What did they bring you in for?” Light whispered once they were alone.

“Not too long, only a few weeks I think,” Misa answered. “They say I have a split personality because they don’t believe I’m a famous pop star,” she added, pouting.

Light blinked, tilting his head to the side. “They arrested you for being a pop star?” he asked in an awed voice. “That’s terrible!”

_ ‘Arrested me?’ _ Misa thought, hesitating before responding. She looked Light Yagami up and down, from his ginger, side-swept hair to his mint green hospital slippers they all were supposed to wear. He  _ seemed _ normal enough, and was definitely attractive enough to be in her entourage. She may even get him to be her boyfriend.  _ ‘But what on earth is he talking about?’ _ she wondered.

“Yeah, tragic, isn’t it?” she finally replied, sighing dramatically as she decided to play along. “They just don’t believe in me, it’s so sad. But I won’t give up, I’ll prove them all wrong! That’s why I’m doing a concert tonight.”

“That’s great! They’ve been holding me hostage here, because they think I’m Kira, but I’m  _ not _ . So I know exactly how you feel, Miss Misa,” he told her.

She touched his arm with her long, agile fingers, perfectly polished in the darkest shade of black they had in the commissary. “Please, you can just call me Misa, or Misa Misa, if you want,” she giggled. When he smiled back at her, she knew she was in love.  _ ‘He’s definitely going to be my new boyfriend. Every pop star needs a cutie on her arm, that’s what all the glamour magazines say!’ _ she thought to herself. “But who’s Kira?”

“He’s a mass murderer that L is trying to catch. He kills criminals and anyone else who gets in his way,” Light explained.

“Ooooo,” Misa’s eyes widened and her heart started beating faster. “L?” she inquired again, tilting her own head to the side to mimic his earlier action.

Light turned around to glance at Doctor Lawliet, who was standing next to Doctor Naomi and staring at them with an unreadable expression on his face.  _ ‘Oh, I know. He’s playing a game.’ _

“But if Kira is killing criminals, why does L want to catch him? Isn’t he doing the world a favor?” Misa asked, putting a finger to her mouth in contemplation.

“Well, it’s still wrong, in a way,” Light said. “I mean, we have the justice system for a reason, right? But they keep thinking it’s me.”

“Why would they think that? You seem perfectly fine to me,” Misa simpered.  _ ‘Do they think he has multiple personalities as well? Is that why they introduced us?’ _ she thought to herself. She couldn’t imagine this boy as a serial killer, and besides, if he  _ was _ that dangerous, they wouldn’t let him out among the other patients. She learned a lot of things over the years after being committed to various mental hospitals across the nation, and one thing was for sure: Light Yagami did not look like he belonged in one.

Light was obviously upset, his face downturned. “I don’t know,” he whispered, eyes shining with tears. “I keep trying to tell them I didn’t do it, but they don’t believe me.” Misa patted him on the back, leaning in with a sympathetic expression. He grasped her arm and brought her closer, and she could hear her heart beating in her head. “We have to get out of here,” he whispered conspiratorially. “Before it’s too late and they execute us.”

Misa gasped, feeling her heart stutter. She put a hand over her chest to keep it from leaping out. “Execute us? They wouldn’t, they can’t!”

But he looked grave, so grave, with his mouth set in a grim line and eyes burning into hers. “They will if we can’t prove I’m not Kira. Will you help me?”

“H-How?” she shuddered.  _ ‘This game is getting scary, I don’t know if I like it anymore…’ _ she thought, looking warily at the arm he was gripping tightly.

“We have to find the  _ real _ Kira, and catch him before L does,” Light told her with stern determination.

**Light’s Perspective**

_ ‘So this is the girl they held captive along with me. She looks so sweet and innocent though, why would they ever suspect her?’ _ Light thought as soon as he laid eyes on Misa Amane. He had to play it cool in front of L and the others, or else they would lock him up again and throw away the key this time. Slowly, a plan started forming in his mind.

Once they were alone, he would tell her everything. Maybe he could even get her to help him.

“So how long have they kept you here? What did they bring you in for?”

“Not too long, only a few weeks I think,” she replied. “They wanted to stop me from performing, because I’m a famous pop star.”

Light’s eyes widened. “They arrested you for being a pop star? That’s terrible!”  _ ‘So she has nothing to do with the Kira case?’ _ he thought, tilting his head to the side with a confused expression.

“Yeah, tragic, isn’t it? They just don’t believe in me, it’s so sad. But I won’t give up, I’ll prove them all wrong! That’s why I’m doing a concert tonight,” she told him fiercely.

“That’s great! They’ve been holding me hostage here, because they think I’m Kira, but I’m  _ not _ . So I know exactly how you feel, Miss Misa,” he told her.

She shifted forward coyly, laying a hand on his arm. “Please, you can just call me Misa, or Misa Misa, if you want,” she said with a cute little giggle, batting her eyelashes at him.

_ ‘Is she trying to seduce me?’  _ he asked himself, beginning to wonder if this was all a trap set up by L to test him yet again.

“But who’s Kira?” she asked with a wide-eyed expression.  _ ‘Or not…’ _ he added.  _ ‘If she doesn’t even know who Kira is, there’s no way this is a trap,’ _ he told himself. Light could tell she was sincere by the look in her eyes, even though it was highly improbable that she wouldn’t know who Kira was.  _ ‘Well, if she’s a pop star, she’d probably be too busy performing in concerts and stuff to pay attention to the news.’ _

“He’s a mass murderer that L is trying to catch. He kills criminals and anyone else who gets in his way,” he explained.

“Ooooo,” her eyes widened even more. “L?” she asked again, tilting her head inquisitively. Light turned to where L was staring at them, watching their every move for just the slightest mistake. He saw the realization hit in her eyes. “But if Kira is killing criminals, why does L want to catch him? Isn’t he doing the world a favor?” Misa asked.

Something in him was pleased with her answer, but he couldn’t quite understand why. It felt wrong for her to say something like that, but it didn’t seem like the first time the sentiment had crossed his mind. “Well, it’s still wrong, in a way,” Light said. “I mean, we have the justice system for a reason, right? But they keep thinking it’s me,” he sighed dismally.

“Why would they think that? You seem perfectly fine to me,” she reassured him.  _ ‘But not to L, for some reason,’ _ he thought.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, feeling tears well up in his eyes. “I keep trying to tell them I didn’t do it, but they don’t believe me.”  _ ‘Something has to be done,’ _ he told himself with conviction. “We have to get out of here,” he whispered, grabbing her by the arm. “Before it’s too late and they execute us.”

She let out a horrified gasp, clutching her chest. “Execute us? They wouldn’t, they can’t!”

“They will if we can’t prove I’m not Kira. Will you help me?” He pleaded. Light knew he couldn’t do this alone, and Misa was the only person he thought he could trust.

“H-How?” Misa stammered, clearly frightened.

“We have to find the  _ real _ Kira, and catch him before L does,” he decided, nodding along to his own words.  _ ‘That’s it, we need to catch Kira so I can be cleared of suspicion once and for all,’ _ he thought. Misa was somehow the key to all of this, he just had to figure out how to use her to turn the lock.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

“Something seems off about his behavior,” Lawliet mumbled into his thumb.

Naomi turned to him with an odd expression. “Of course there is,” she stated plainly, disregarding the fact that he was admitted to a mental hospital and adding, “he’s been acting strange ever since he developed amnesia. Which we still don’t know the cause of, by the way.”

“That’s just it though, his amnesia doesn’t make any sense,” the doctor was frowning, practically glowering at his patient as he watched him interact with Misa. “He only lost memories of being Kira in his delusion. Doesn’t that seem odd to you? If he truly had amnesia, he wouldn’t remember anything about himself, he wouldn’t even know his name. He wouldn’t be holding onto parts of his delusions like this. Plus, the fact that we can’t pinpoint  _ how _ he developed amnesia disturbs me. It’s almost like…”

“Like he’s only pretending,” Naomi finished his sentence in a murmur. “I see what you mean. Maybe he only has amnesia in his delusions; as in, it’s all a part of the fake reality he’s created for himself.”

“If that’s the case, things are escalating far too quickly for my liking. We have to get to the bottom of this fast before he completely loses his mind,” he stated.  _ ‘And such a beautiful mind it was, it would be a shame to ruin it to the point of no return.’ _

“Then perhaps we should keep him away from Misa?” Naomi prompted. She still hadn’t forgiven him for setting them up without asking permission from her first, and their usually calm comradery was stifled. Although she agreed to observe them over the course of a few days, he could still feel the waves of discontent wafting off of her.

“Their interactions are fascinating, aren’t they?” He replied with his own question, unable to give up on this little adventure just yet.

She huffed a sigh. “So far my fears have been confirmed. She’s completely falling for his delusion. Even her alter personality is involved. They’re supposedly dating now, it’s all she talks about.”

“They seem to enjoy each other’s company. Perhaps if they were…” Lawliet hesitated, loath to use the word ‘normal’ in this setting, “Well, in any case. If things were different, I imagine they would be a couple.”

“You mean if they weren’t absolutely out of their minds,” Naomi grumbled beside him. Lawliet felt his lips quirk up into a smile.  _ ‘Blunt as always, Miss Misery,’ _ he kept the nickname to himself, since the last time he used it he received a punch in the face.

“Now, now, I know you’re upset with the situation, but there’s no need to take it out on the patients,” he chided her playfully. The glare she sent him was enough to chill his very bones.

“Lawliet, she’s getting worse. Now she’s not even acknowledging the fact that she’s in a mental ward for having a split personality. She’s been wholly absorbed into his delusions. This is exactly what I  _ didn’t _ want to happen,” she snapped.

He knew she was only leaving out the part about his own patient’s dissolving state of mind to be polite, as it would be a terribly low blow to point out the fact that not only were his methods not working, but they were forcing his patient deeper into his delusions and therefore farther away from reach. He already knew this, and was losing sleep over Light Yagami’s mental state with painful acuity.

“It will start to dissolve soon,” he said softly, careful not to speak too clearly with Light in range. They already discussed the fact that some of the real world had started slipping into Light’s delusions. He seemed to pick up on certain words or actions and use them in his false reality, such as picking up on Misa’s presence before they even met. It was curious to see just how much he would let in, and how far he would be willing to go to hold onto his delusions.

“Hm?” Naomi finally turned to look at him, her eyes bright with confusion for once.

“Try to find the holes in his delusions and exploit them. Force him to acknowledge parts of the real world one at a time until he sees the whole. We’re going to make him crack into a million pieces, and I will take responsibility for putting him back together again.”

Her mouth opened, but for a moment nothing came out. He could see her mind working for an appropriate response, other than yelling at him for being just as crazy as his patients. Finally, she cleared her throat and nodded agreeably, turning back to the pair.

**Naomi’s Perspective**

“Ah, I think I’m in love!” Misa sighed, swooning in the halls as Naomi led her back to her room after another ‘romantic evening’ with Light Yagami.  _ ‘I can’t believe Lawliet is letting this all happen, knowing full well how it’s affecting them both,’ _ she thought, remembering what he told her earlier. The pair of patients would chat in the main hall, sometimes holding hands and leaning close, acting like the perfect little couple. It made Naomi nervous.

“You’ve only known him for a few days, Miss Amane, I think it’s a bit too soon to be falling in love,” she said, trying to hide the exasperation in her voice.

“I told you to just call me Misa, Rem! Besides, he’s so perfect, we’re going to be together forever, I just know it!” Misa fell back onto her bed in a fit of giggles, acting like a schoolgirl with a crush.  _ ‘Her alter ego is much more dramatic than her normal self. So outgoing, so happy and full of life. I guess when you have a past like hers, it only makes sense to develop a part of yourself that survived it with this much vigor,’ _ Naomi noted. 

_ ‘Wait, what did she call me?’ _ Naomi thought as the name came to the forefront of her mind.

“Who is Rem?” Naomi asked. Misa had always referred to her as Doctor Misora when she was herself, and aware of being in a mental ward, or Naomi when she was Misa Misa and trying to be her best friend.

“ _ Duh _ , that’s you, silly!” Misa replied, looking at her as if  _ she _ were the crazy one. At Naomi’s continued look of confusion, she added, “you’re a shinigami, remember? Aren’t you playing along with Light’s little game?” she asked with a curious expression. “It’s quite fun, if not scary at times,” she shivered. “You know he said you and L—I mean Doctor Lawliet—were going to kill us if we didn’t find the real Kira. Oh, he’s so intense sometimes!” she laughed again, kicking her feet in the air.

_ ‘Shinigami? Executions?’  _ she thought, notating the fact that she was referring to the other doctor as L, just like Light was. Doctor Misora’s brain paused for just a moment, one moment where it all started to click.  _ ‘Of course, this is what Lawliet was waiting for all along. Misa is doing exactly what she’s supposed to and letting us see into Light’s delusions. All we have to do is play along.’ _

“A god of death? That  _ is _ pretty scary, Misa,” she finally said, using her patient’s first name despite her strict personal code against it. If this was what it took to help them both, she was prepared for any consequences.

“Yeah, Light told me about his shinigami, Ryuk. He sounds a bit scarier, though. But now that I have my own Death Note, I can play along too! And you’re my shinigami, isn’t it great?” Misa exclaimed, holding up a makeshift notebook with unreadable scribbles on the front cover.

“Death Note?” Naomi asked, even though she knew perfectly well what Misa was talking about.

“Mmmhm. He showed it to me. That’s how Kira kills his victims, he just has to write their names in the Death Note and they die! He said I could have one too, and I even get special powers!” Misa squealed. “You gave me your shinigami eyes, so I can look at a person and know their name and how long they have left to live. Isn’t that neat?” the young woman smiled brightly.

***

Naomi once again stormed down the hall to Lawliet’s office.  _ ‘I’m going to strangle him. I’m going to wrap my fingers around his neck and squeeze ever-so-gently until he loses the ability to pump air through his lungs,’ _ she thought before shaking the murderous thoughts off.

After pushing the door open without so much as a knock, she marched right up to his desk and slammed her hands on the oak to grab his attention. “You gave him back his Death Note,” she said venomously.

He looked up at her slowly, and she had to grit her teeth to stop from reaching out and acting on her earlier thoughts. What she wouldn’t give to see his pale face turn blue and purple.

“Yes, I thought it would be interesting,” he replied.

“ _ Why _ ?” she hissed.

“Because he now, conveniently, has his memories back.”

Naomi blinked and stood up straight. “You’re kidding me,” she blurted. “So we were right all along? He was only pretending to lose his memories as a part of his delusions?” Lawliet nodded, and she threw her hands in the air. “ _ Jesus _ Lawliet, we have to stop this before it gets too out of hand!” she exclaimed.

“I think things are going pretty well, actually,” he shrugged.

“No, they’re not. Misa just called me ‘Rem,’ saying I’m a shinigami and that Light told her about Ryuk. She made her own Death Note and said she had special ‘shinigami eyes’ that let her see someone’s name so she can write it in her Death Note. Don’t you see what’s happening, Lawliet?”

His eyes were bright, burning out at her as coal black fire. “Yes, I do.” He was smiling gleefully.

“Unbelievable,” she muttered, whirling around to storm off again. She didn’t think she could control herself around him like this, and while he didn’t file any charges after she punched him the first time, she didn’t think he would let her get away with trying to throttle him.

“Wait, Naomi!” he called after her and she stopped, letting out a slow, deep breath.

“What?” she growled, turning to him.

“You said she called you Rem, and that you’re a shinigami now?” he asked, eyebrows raised as he leaned forward across his desk. She got the distinct feeling that he was onto something, and her mind desperately worked to figure out what she was missing.

“Yes. And she also said he thought we were going to kill them if they didn’t find ‘the real Kira,’ and she’s even calling you L now.” She walked back to his desk and pulled up a chair from the closest bookshelf. “So she’s immersed in his delusions, although she thinks it’s just a game he’s playing with us.”

“You mentioned a while back that he first thought he killed you off, and then referred to you as Takada, that former girlfriend of his who came to visit?” He prompted.

She nodded, understanding his meaning immediately. “Of course, now that I’m Rem, it means either the delusions are changing or Misa is changing them through her own delusions,” she narrowed her eyes at him. “And it’s still your fault.”

“Wait, hear me out,” he held up a finger. “We can use this to our advantage. If he still thinks you’re Takada, but  _ she _ thinks you’re Rem the shinigami, then that’s a very big hole in his delusions that we can rip wide open. If he can’t reconcile who you are, or if he doesn’t agree with Misa’s changes, it could make him see more of the real world.”

“So you want him to go through another mental breakdown.” It wasn’t a question. Naomi stared at him from across his desk, eyes hard. She understood the implications of blowing holes in Light’s delusions, and making him see through them to reality, but it was dangerous with his mental state the way it was. She was always concerned about his delusions involving death and murder plots, transforming himself into an invincible god with the power of a shinigami and a twisted sense of justice to clear his conscience.

“It could be our only chance to get him back, Naomi,” Lawliet looked desperate, grasping at straws.

She sighed. “Fine. I don’t like it, but it’s the only thing we’ve got going for us right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since L used some not-so-conventional tactics in canon, I thought it would only seem fitting for him to do so in this situation, although he has more sympathetic reasons. Naomi is 1000% done with him at this point, though.
> 
> Also, just to make things clear, Naomi ended up taking over Misa’s care as her primary psychologist since Lawliet has his hands full with Light.


	5. Folie à Deux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shared Psychotic Disorder: Otherwise known as folie à deux, which is French for “a madness shared by two,” this is a shared delusion between two (or more) people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to give a shout-out to the Attack on Titan fic ‘A Story Without Words’ for making me fall in love with the concept of folie à deux. I highly recommend reading it to see a more personal view of this disorder through the eyes of the characters, since I take a more medical approach to it here.

**Light’s Perspective**

Everything was starting to work out now, and he had to stop himself from appearing too giddy, lest he spur on L’s suspicions even more. But it was all falling into place, his master plan to become the God of the New World on the path to success. With Misa at his side and her eyes at his disposal, nothing could stop him, not even L.

Which was why he grinned at his adversary during the interrogation. He went through several before, and they usually resulted in the same outcome: L asked him if he was Kira, and Light denied it down to his bones. Lied through his teeth, coming up with counter arguments to L’s reasoning for his suspicion of him. He would leave the interrogation—or L would storm out—satisfied that he was still not caught.

“So, Light, how have you been feeling?” L started off the round of questioning as he usually did.

“I’m fine, and you, L?” He asked pleasantly. There was no need for tension to be between them, even if they were rivals. Light still wanted to kill L, but he didn’t mind acting as his friend until that day came.

“I’ve been…okay,” the detective sighed, and Light noticed how tired he appeared. His dark eyes and haggard appearance was normal, and Light had gotten used to the dull stare and mile-long eye bags. But this seemed different. L looked…exhausted. Older. Worn out.  _ Defeated _ .

_ ‘Have I finally won?’ _ Light thought hopefully, like a current of electricity sparking to life inside of him. “You look like you haven’t gotten much sleep. Has the investigation worn you down?” He teased lightly, indulging his inner ego just to see L falter and frown.

The detective dragged a hand over his face, obviously showing the dismal state he was in. Light was almost disappointed in how L wasn’t even trying to hide it, how he was so open about his defeat and hopelessness. This wasn’t the enemy he expected to gain victory over.

“Yes, it has, actually,” L admitted mournfully. He looked Light in the eye, seeming to stare straight into his soul. Light felt like the detective could see Kira lurking there beneath his skin, saw the truth laid bare in that one stare. “I’m concerned about you, Light, to be honest. I’m worried about where you’re heading.”

Light didn’t hide his frown this time at the detective’s words. “What do you mean? Are you saying you suspect me even more now? I thought we were over this, L.”

The detective leaned forward, and the expression on his face could only be described as desperate. “Please, Light, try to understand. You need to confess, or you’ll be stuck with me forever. Think about your hopes and dreams for the future. Do you really want to throw them all away to be the supposed ‘God of the New World’? What about your ambitions? Didn’t you want to be a police detective like your father?”

Light’s eyes hardened and his face grew taut with tightly confined rage. “I told you a thousand times, L, I’m  _ not _ Kira, so you can give up on that. You’re just upset because you have no other suspects. Some detective you are,” he snorted, crossing his arms and looking away. He wouldn’t acknowledge the detective until he stopped this foolishness, or at least apologized. It was aggravating how persistent he was—how persistently close to the truth he remained, flitting around the edges of it, flirting with verity and refusing to back down.

The detective sighed exasperatedly, hanging his head between his arms, his shoulders slumped.  _ ‘If he’s giving up, why does he keep pursuing me?’ _ Light thought, glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

“I don’t like doing this, but you  _ need _ to see the truth,” L spoke up after a moment, his voice surer, harder, even colder. This seemed more like the L he knew, before he started to give in. Once again their eyes met. “Takada is not who you think she is.”

Light’s eyes widened only slightly.  _ ‘Why is he bringing her up now of all times?’ _ he wondered, eyebrows coming together.  _ ‘Does he know?’ _ the thought elevated his heart rate, had his breathing increase slightly in fear. L obviously knew about his meetings with Takada—he helped arrange them, of course—but they were always so careful about keeping their real conversations a secret by writing everything down on notes and then destroying them once it was time to leave. There was no way L could have gotten ahold of their notes or known about their conversations. Light began searching within his mind to figure out where he could have messed up, trying to think of what he or Takada could have said to make L hone in on them.

“I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying she’s a traitor?” he decided to ask, casting a line and hoping to reel L in.

“No,” L stated, his stare becoming more intense. It unnerved Light, who adjusted his position by crossing one leg over the other, arms still across his chest. “M’i gniyas taht ehs si ton Adakat ta lla. Gnidrocca ot Asim, s’ehs Mer eht imaginihs, tub s’ehs ton taht rehtie.”

Light’s eyes widened further this time, and he had to blink to moisten them again. That sentence didn’t make sense, it was like L was speaking gibberish.  _ ‘Did he switch to French?’ _ Light wondered, trying to figure out why something felt off about this conversation.

“Excuse me?” he asked, untangling himself to lean forward, thinking perhaps he was having trouble hearing.

“Ehs si ton Adakat, dna ehs si ton Mer, S’asim imaginihs,” L repeated, but it still sounded all jumbled and nonsensical to Light’s ears. He shook his head, trying to indicate that he didn’t understand, frowning again. “Reh eman si—,” L began, but Light didn’t catch what he said.  _ ‘This is weird, what’s going on? Have I been poisoned or something, is that why none of this makes sense?’ _ he thought to himself.

“What? You’re not making sense, L, I’m sorry…” he tried to explain, feeling the tug of frustration and a painful knot forming in his throat, indicating his emotional state was in a downward spiral. But he didn’t understand why this made him so upset, if only because he thought something was wrong with him to impair his mental capabilities, which he relied on heavily, admittedly.

L’s words were a buzz, and even his vision started to give way, changing from color to gray, shades of black and white replacing hues of green and red. He rubbed at his forehead, feeling a pulsing headache. He felt disjointed from his body, as if he were an observer, as an odd numbness cascaded all around him, enveloping him in a tight hug he couldn’t shrug off. “I…I-I think something’s wrong…” he tried to say, the words tumbling out of his mouth as he heard himself stutter.

_ ‘What is wrong with me?’ _ he thought, panicking, as the world turned to black.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

Light was practically smirking at him in his chair. They were holding a therapy session in Lawliet’s office, the first in a long time now that his patient was more lucid. The doctor fooled himself into believing that Light was ready to come out of his delusion and back into reality, it was clear even before the conversation started.

“So, Light, how have you been feeling?” He began the conversation as he always had, the only way he knew how at this point. He only hoped it wouldn’t end the same, whether for good or bad. Just one slight change was all he asked for, one crack in Light’s shell to peek inside.

“I’m fine, and you, L?” Light replied in a polite, forced tone.

Lawliet had to sigh, stopping himself from any other outward signs of frustration and helplessness with this case. Light was simply holding tight to his delusions, like a child would a blanket or beloved teddy bear. The doctor knew he shouldn’t be mad at his patient, but he wanted to put his hands on Light’s shoulders and shake him so hard he was forced to acknowledge reality once and for all.

“I’ve been…okay,” he said instead of the curses streaming through his mind. He knew he must have looked run down to Light, since he rarely slept now—not that he got much sleep before, but it was getting much worse the more this case progressed. He barely even ate, instead looking over Light’s paperwork and all of his notes, organizing everything only to throw it into disarray as he searched for more clues to his patient’s delusions and how to break him free of them. Naomi had to bring him food at times, with that pitiful, disappointed look in her eyes haunting him.

“You look like you haven’t gotten much sleep,” Light said, stirring Lawliet out of his thoughts. “Has the investigation worn you down?” he leered, still smirking. He probably thought he was hiding the gleeful expression and taunting tone, but Lawliet could see right through this act. Light was proud of his accomplishment, of bringing the revered doctor to his knees. He may not have known what he was doing, but somewhere inside of that brilliant mind was awareness of how his actions were affecting Lawliet.

“Yes, it has, actually,” the psychiatrist confessed in a sorrowful tone. He looked Light in the eye, trying to stare straight into his soul. He wanted to see the truth hiding behind those bright eyes of his, the answer to his problems right there. “I’m concerned about you, Light, to be honest. I’m worried about where you’re heading.”

He didn’t know if this would get through to his patient, or how it would be interpreted in his delusions, but he had to try one last time before taking a sledgehammer to Light’s makeshift walls. He knew this was going to hurt them both, so he had to make an effort in softening the blow.

Light frowned at him. “What do you mean? Are you saying you suspect me even more now? I thought we were over this, L.”

The doctor leaned forward with what probably looked like a desperate expression on his face, because it was getting harder for him to hide it. It was probably leaking into his voice as well as he pleaded with his patient, “Please, Light, try to understand. You need to face this, or you’ll be stuck in here forever. Think about your hopes and dreams for the future. Do you really want to throw them all away for this? What about your ambitions? Didn’t you want to be a police detective like your father?”

Light’s demeanor changed instantly; it was so sudden and such a sharp contrast that Lawliet wished he was recording this session on camera and not just on tape. It was so clear: this is Light, and this is Light’s delusional self. He thought of how Naomi associated Misa with her original personality and her alter ego, chills running down his spine. “I told you a thousand times, L, I’m  _ not _ Kira, so you can give up on that. You’re just upset because you have no other suspects. Some detective you are,” Light snorted, crossing his arms and looking away childishly, back to his delusions.

Lawliet sighed exasperatedly, hanging his head between his arms, his shoulders slumped. He had no other choice. Light simply would not see what was right in front of his eyes unless he was forced to, which the doctor was prepared to do, despite the repercussions.

“I don’t like doing this, but you  _ need _ to see the truth,” Lawliet spoke up after a moment, determined this time. He met Light’s eyes once more before delivering the first crack in his delusion. “Takada is not who you think she is.”

He watched Light’s expression change once again, from anger to surprise and fear, as if he was afraid of being figured out. Lawliet could practically see him trying to work it all out in his delusion before responding, his eyes slightly unfocused for a moment. The doctor could hear his patient’s breath coming quicker, and could tell that he was growing anxious due to the dilation in his pupils.

“I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying she’s a traitor?” Light asked, still evading the truth.

“No,” the doctor stated, narrowing his eyes more. Light fidgeted in his seat, squirming under his glare. “I’m saying that she is not Takada at all. According to Misa, she’s Rem the shinigami, but she’s not that either.”

Again, it looked like Light was having trouble processing this information. It made Lawliet hopeful that he was finally getting to him. If he couldn’t rationalize who Naomi was in his delusion, he would be forced to acknowledge her existence in the real world.

“Excuse me?” Light asked, blinking and looking lost, as if he didn’t understand at all. The doctor took note of this to analyze later, taking into account Light’s schizophrenia and the possibility that he did not actually understand the words he was speaking in that moment because they clashed so much with his delusions.

“She is not Takada, and she is not Rem, Misa’s shinigami,” Lawliet repeated, trying to be clearer and watching closely for his patient’s reaction. Light was shaking his head, looking confused and scared with his too big eyes and pale skin.  _ ‘This is it, I have to press on before it’s too late,’ _ he thought and took a deep breath. “Her name is Naomi. You met her before, actually, but you seem to have killed her off in your delusions because she refused to fit in. The real Takada, your classmate and former girlfriend, only visited once.”

It didn’t look like Light heard him, or knew what he was saying. He was staring at him as if he were suddenly speaking gibberish or some foreign language he had no grasp of—which, in his delusional state, maybe he was. Usually his words were translated or modified in Light’s mind to fit into his delusion, filtered as the words were being spoken. Hearing this must have caused too much pressure on that part of Light’s brain, making it pause or cease to function properly, which left Light with the bare words to analyze. But he couldn’t make sense of them because they didn’t fit his delusional world.

“What? You’re not making sense, L, I’m sorry…” he slurred, his speech becoming heavy, as if he were in a daze. Lawliet half stood from his chair as he took in his patient’s new condition. A cold sweat had come over his body, and his eyes were completely unfocused, mouth open to take gulping breaths of air, limbs turning to mud and slush as he began leaning even farther out of his chair. “I…I-I thin sumthins wrooo…” The doctor caught him as he fell forward, eyes rolling to the back of his head as Light fainted right in Lawliet’s arms.

**Wedy’s Perspective**

When Light Yagami finally came to, the first thing he saw was Wedy the nurse. She was there, holding him in her arms and cooing soft words of reassurance. As soon as Doctor Lawliet called for help, she rushed in to take care of the situation. There was no hesitation once she saw the young man passed out in the doctor’s arms, and the look of fear and alarm on Lawliet’s face as he stared up at her, mouth gaping. It was the first time she ever saw the doctor look so confused and frightened.

Instantly, she took his place as other nurses rushed in, cradling Light’s head in her arms and whispering to him, as she did with all of the patients. Her fingers gently pressed against the vein in his neck as she took his pulse, eyes scanning his body for any indication as to his condition. Heavy breathing, sweat-soaked and pale skin, shaking limbs, eyes rolled back to his head. He merely fainted, although his condition could escalate to a seizure or even a heart attack if they weren’t careful.

“Wedy…” Lawliet was looking at her with that expression she had never seen before on his face, like a lost man in the desert looking for the ocean. His voice sounded so broken, cracking at the end of her name. One hand continued to hold onto Light, while the other reached out to brush her thumb and fingers against the doctor’s cheek.

“You have to take control of the situation now, doctor. Please advise us about what to do for your patient,” she told him gently. She knew it was what he needed to hear, what would snap him back to reality.

He blinked, closing his mouth and swallowing back the fear and regret. Nodding, he took a deep breath before giving out commands to the other nurses. Soon a damp cloth was being pressed to Light’s forehead, and they were about to hoist him onto a gurney when his eyes fluttered open, landing on Wedy’s face above him.

She smiled down at him. “Easy there, Light. You fainted for a moment. How are you feeling?” He couldn’t form words, although she could see something forming in his eyes, recognition and understanding, a yearning to communicate. “Take your time, focus on your breathing.”

It was after a few minutes that he finally confirmed that he was okay, and had simply fainted. Whether it was due to heat and exhaustion or the stress of having his delusion shattered was unclear. She helped him stand, steadying him when he began to lean to the side, balance still slightly off kilter.

“Thank you, Wedy,” he told her kindly. His next words, however, made her bones shiver. “You know, for a criminal, you’re not so bad.”

“Why do you think I’m a criminal?” she asked, eyebrows bunched together. She never understood why Light transformed her into a master thief within his delusion. Sometimes his delusions were based on facts from reality and just exaggerated or used to create a whole new façade—like Lawliet’s intelligence giving him the ability to become a world-renowned detective. But the version of her inside of his delusions was so far off from her real personality that she wondered if he really knew her at all, or just created a persona that best fit the situation within his mind as soon as they crossed paths.

Light’s face changed minutely, his smile lowering, eyebrows coming a bit closer together. “Because L told me. You’re a thief, right? Or are you the con artist? I’m sorry, I may have gotten you confused with Aiber,” he responded, giving her a sheepish look.

Wedy ignored the mistake, aware of Lawliet’s intense stare as they conversed. She knew what she had to do, even if it meant another fainting attack or complete mental breakdown. Perhaps she wasn’t as kind as she believed herself to be, after all.  “And you believe everything he tells you? Have you ever seen me steal something or plan a heist?”

Light’s face was frozen in place, eyes slightly too wide, mouth not quite a smile, and she could tell he was going to crack at any moment.

**Misa’s Perspective**

“Rem, what’s going on? Where’s Light?” Misa asked her shinigami impatiently. She was pacing inside of her room, having nowhere else to go since Rem wouldn’t let her out. She hadn’t seen Light in a few hours, and she was starting to get antsy. She liked having him around, and she missed her boyfriend.

“Stop calling me that,” the shinigami answered. “My name is Naomi Misora, and you are Misa Amane, remember? I’m your psychiatrist at Wammy’s Mental Ward.”

Misa puffed out her cheeks, the air leaving her mouth in a loud exhale. “No you’re not, you’re Rem and I’m the Second Kira. We need to find Light, he needs my eyes to kill L. We don’t have much time before he catches us.”

When Rem didn’t respond, the pop star turned serial killer plopped down on her bed, huffing once again as her back hit the mattress. “I want to get out of here!” she whined, flailing her arms and legs, shaking the bed as her limbs slammed against the comforter.

“Misa, you can’t right now. Please stay here,” Rem finally spoke, voice shaky and low.

Misa sat up on her elbows to look at Rem, tilting her head to the side. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked the shinigami, who simply turned and left. “Pffft, silly god of death.”

**Naomi’s Perspective**

Doctor Naomi Misora put her back to the wall and slid down until she was sitting on the cold, hard laminate floor of the psychiatric ward. She was shaking, eyes staring yet not seeing what was in front of her.  _ ‘This whole thing is a mess…’ _ she thought mournfully.

Light Yagami was in another room at the far end of the institution, screaming his head off and thrashing around, once again strapped to his bed. Lawliet thought he simply scratched the surface of his patient’s delusions, but instead he made a crack that stretched throughout the entire iceberg of Light’s mind. Broken into pieces. The doctor got what he wanted, after all.

But at what cost? There was no way to tell if Light would recover or how it would affect him. And now Misa was developing a third personality, the alter ego of the Second Kira. She refused to acknowledge Misora as her psychiatrist anymore, and instead only called her Rem, the shinigami. Her white lab coat had apparently been transformed into white bones, wrapping around her in a grotesque fashion to imitate Ryuk, Light’s supposed god of death.

Naomi’s head slumped forward, and she tried to stop the tears from falling, but it was so hard.  _ ‘We’re losing them both, and there’s nothing I can do.’ _

“Doctor Misora…” Wedy’s voice cut through the haze of her misery. Naomi’s eyes focused on the hospital slippers the nurse was wearing. Soon the woman’s face came into view as she crouched down, placing a soft, hesitant hand on her shoulder.

“It’s nothing,” Naomi spoke up before Wedy could ask her what was wrong. The nurse may have thought she was attacked or having a mental breakdown of her own. “Actually, that’s a lie. It’s everything.”

Wedy sat down next to her, shifting into a comfortable position—as comfortable as one could get on the floor of a hospital building—and started smoothing the frizzes in Naomi’s hair. “They got Light to calm down. Gave him tranquilizers to put him to sleep. It took a lot more than usual, this time.”

Naomi sighed. “Misa’s condition is worsening. I want to keep her away from Light, but Lawliet will probably want to force them together so he can break Light completely open and watch all the pieces spill out. But this isn’t a puzzle, these are real people—our  _ patients _ —and we have a responsibility to take care of them.”

Wedy nodded and continued stroking her hair, long fingers weaving inside of the strands and brushing gently against the other woman’s scalp. It was a reassuring gesture she normally reserved for distressed patients, and Naomi was well aware of it.

“I may need to take a leave of absence. I can’t help her if I’m not in my own right mind,” Naomi murmured as the tension eased out of her, giving way to a numb relaxation.

“You need to rest. Lawliet won’t, even when I told him he needed to go for a walk and get some fresh air, he stayed cooped up in his office. Let him deal with his mistakes. He’ll learn one day.”

“But his mistake is affecting  _ my _ patient. I can’t live with myself if I allow this to continue. It’s bad enough I let it happen.”

“To be fair, the man is stubborn and would have probably gone behind your back, regardless. At least you had some control over the situation.”

Naomi sighed again and leaned against Wedy’s shoulder. “You’re the best nurse here, Wedy. I want you to know that. I don’t know how such a sweet, caring person like you ended up as a thieving, callous criminal in Light’s delusions.”

She felt Wedy laugh in the shake of her shoulders, and fell asleep to soft murmurs and fingers in her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that escalated quickly.


	6. Paranoia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paranoia: Thought process heavily influenced by anxiety and fear, with feelings of persecution and an exaggerated sense of self-importance.

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

The psychiatrist paced the length of his study, wearing an old, familiar path into the dark blue carpet. His patient was cracking, and he could still hear the screams from down the hall. The combination of Naomi being different from what was in Light’s delusions and Wedy’s criticism of his delusional version of her made Light finally see the holes in his false reality. However, Lawliet was regretting the path he set upon. That beautiful mind was now attacking itself, tearing his own mind apart and ripping itself to shreds due to its inability to confront reality. Light was so involved with his delusions, so deep inside of the reality he created, that he rejected everything else.

Lawliet hated using methods such as tranquilizers and calming anti-depressants in order to treat his patients. He believed, above all else, in the human’s capability of mending through natural means: self-medication, or powering through illnesses with perseverance and dedication. He knew it wasn’t possible in every case, especially the ones he saw in this institution, but it was the first thing he always tried. If a patient could not help themselves on their own, through natural methods that involved creative outlets, talk therapy, or finding stability on their own terms, he resorted to other solutions.

Light Yagami barely stepped out of his cave, and it was clear that he didn’t want to. He trapped himself inside of his delusions, locking the door and throwing away the key. It was his home now, the only thing he knew. Anyone who attempted to break down that door would meet total opposition. Light’s mind was an immovable force, and Lawliet always thought he was an unstoppable object.

This was turning into quite the enlightening experience for the psychiatrist.

“So are you going to do something, or are you just going to wear another hole in the carpet?” Naomi asked from the doorway, arms crossed and expression fierce.

“I’m contemplating what I could possibly do next, Dr. Misora,” Lawliet replied. “Perhaps you have a suggestion?”

“Finally asking for my help instead of just doing whatever you wanted, eh?” she scoffed.

“I always assumed it would be better to ask forgiveness than permission, but now I see the error of my ways. Please forgive me, Naomi.”

“No need to beg, Lawliet,” Naomi said as she sauntered into the room with a small leer, before her expression turned serious again. “But from now on, how about we do this as a team effort? And by team, I don’t mean you barking orders and me taking them. We both need to be equal in this.”

Lawliet nodded. “Agreed. I’ve been selfish and foolish from the start, thinking I could save Light Yagami from himself.”

“Don’t start being self-deprecating,” Naomi scrunched up her nose in disgust. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“I suppose it doesn’t suit anyone, really,” he replied, sitting in his chair and tucking his knees up to his chest.

“You’re depressed,” Naomi observed as she sat across from him.

“Yes, I have been in a low point recently,” he conceded.

“It’s because you’re stuck, isn’t it? Because you can’t cure this patient?” When he merely nodded, staring absently as his thumb made its way to his mouth, Naomi sighed. “You know, I considered taking a leave of absence for a moment before coming to see you. In fact, I had every intention of telling you I was leaving when I walked into this office,” she confessed.

He looked up with wide, disbelieving eyes. “The great Naomi Misora, giving up?” he questioned.

She shook her head. “No, the great Naomi Misora, tired and needing her own mental health day,” she told him. “But luckily Wedy was there, ever the angel, and she made me realize that we had to help these people, no matter the cost. I don’t suggest throwing our own sanity away, and we _do_ need to take a break every once in a while, but just imagine what _they_ must be going through, if it’s this tough for us.”

Lawliet’s expression grew even more mournful and solemn. Sometimes he hated Naomi’s honesty.

“So I’m taking you for a walk. We’re going to get some ice cream, and we’re going to figure this out,” Noami declared, standing. She looked at him expectantly, and he reluctantly unraveled himself from the chair, following her out of the office door.

**Light’s Perspective**

Images blurred together, voices shouting and whispering at the same time. _Kira_ , they called him. _God, killer, savior, murderer_ , they chanted. But that wasn’t him. That wasn’t Light Yagami.

_“I’m so proud of you, son,” Soichiro Yagami told him. His face was serious as ever, but his voice had a melting quality to it, which made Light realize he was being sincere. Such a stoic, reserved man hardly gave praises freely or flippantly. “You’ll make a fine detective one day.”_

Light remembered staying up all night to study, practicing for the upcoming exams and reminding himself of the pressure. Should he fail, his father’s disapproval would weigh more than his pride. Should he succeed, he would be walking in the shadow of his footsteps, always slightly a step behind—or racing forward, surpassing his father and all others. Either way he would be isolated. He was already way ahead of his peers, making top scores in every class. The other students were jealous, but still friendly. They warmed up to him, asking for help with assignments, begging to share just a smidgeon of his genius. Some expressed their desire to have even an ounce of his intelligence, in order to achieve their own goals and dreams.

Everywhere around him, people were being told to try their hardest, to persevere and never give up. Even someone of average or low intelligence could achieve their dreams if they _tried_ hard enough. But Light didn’t need to try. He merely needed to exist in order to wield his intelligence like a weapon against the challenges posed to him. They weren’t even challenges, it was like a grown adult playing a child’s game.

It made pleasing his father even more difficult, being held up to such high standards, so much higher than normal. His sister, Sayu, wasn’t pressured to be the very best, because they knew she had limitations. She was human, smart but fallible. Wasn’t he human, too?

_No, he was a god._

That was the thought that started it all. What was a mere mortal to a god? He had to be a god, inhuman, to be both blessed and cursed with the knowledge to rule them all. _So smart_ , they called him. _The top student in Japan, the top of his class, he was going somewhere, he would be someone, something, one day_.

Light bet they never expected him to end up like this. The god turned parasite, feeding off of a reality he created to save himself from the outside world, a realm of possibility he could control and manipulate at will. He could change the story whenever he wanted. He could kill L, his enemy, at any time. What was stopping him?

Logic. The story had to make sense, flow, mirror reality even if its roots weren’t dipped in it. In fact, he had killed L the detective multiple times—but each time, it didn’t make sense. The story didn’t move forward. So he revived the detective and started over, sometimes at the very beginning, sometimes at the moment before annihilation. Just a small change was all he needed.

There was a knocking on the door. The sound of a fist pounding on wood gave him a headache. _Make it go away_ , he thought. _Stop knocking, there’s no one here. There never was._

But the knocking persisted. It grew louder, bolder, until Light honestly believed someone might break through the door, past his strongholds and barriers, the gates he put up around his haven. Sometimes he wished someone had the strength to reach through and pull him out. He yearned for a force outside of himself to finally take over, show him he was wrong. He is not a god, he is mortal and can bleed.

But another part of him was too afraid to face his own mortality. Light liked being a god: infallible, immortal, invulnerable, _immovable_. He could stay here forever, protected and in control. No pressure weighing him down, only wings to lift him higher.

Ryuk was born of a need for Light to be reassured in his godlike abilities. Having a god of death call you a worthy shinigami and praising your abilities would give anyone a power trip, especially someone like Light Yagami. He knew this, accepted this. This was his creation, _his_ reality.

And it could crumble at any time.

**Mikami’s Perspective**

Sometimes you needed a leader to follow, a teacher to learn under, or a god to worship. Forces like the military, educational institutions, and religion were founded upon the needs of human beings to be someone, something, other than themselves. To grow, to rise, to be enlightened. Most of the time, this need was healthy. Other times, it grew extreme and damaged the lives of those who clung to this need, and everyone else’s around them.

Mikami Teru walked himself into the clinic several months ago when he began feeling the urge to take justice into his own hands. Being a prosecutor was not enough. Sometimes the criminals got away, and the system was flawed. He remembered signing the paperwork and sealing his fate with black ink. He remembered being shown around Wammy’s Ward and unpacking his belongings in the room he was given.

What he didn’t remember was falling into madness along the way.

Wasn’t he supposed to get _better_ at this place? Not worse, not delving any deeper into the mindset he was plagued with ever since his cases began growing sour.

But when the halls sang of a god, what else could he do but listen?

A shinigami, they called him. No, he had a shinigami with him, a phantom no one else could see—unless they had a Death Note, or the red-rimmed eyes of that girl. But he was indeed a god, creating a new world by purging the evil out of the current one. Mikami closed his eyes and listened to the whispers. _Kira_ , they called him, _killing criminals who were not punished by the justice system_.

He had to find this god and fall at his knees in worship.

**Mello’s Perspective**

“So what’s this I hear about a ‘god’ gracing us with his presence here at good ole Wammy’s?” Mello sneered, his legs hanging idly as he draped himself across the chair.

Quillish Wammy was used to his rude behavior at this point, and paid it no heed. Mello almost missed the times when the old man would politely remind him to sit properly, but he was no fun to argue with.

“There is no ‘god’ of Wammy’s Ward,” the founder replied.

“Tch, of course not. ‘Cause if there was, it’d be me,” Mello replied, baring his teeth. _‘How dare someone else try to weasel their way into the top position around here? Can’t they see that I’m the king of this dump?’_

Wammy chuckled, “Of course it would. Now where did you hear something like that, Miheal?”

“I told you not to call me that, old man,” Mello snarled. “And everyone’s been talking about it. Some kid named Yagami proclaiming himself to be the God of the New World or some bullshit. How come I haven’t met him yet? I should put him in his place.”

“Ah, I know who you’re referring to,” Wammy nodded. “He has schizophrenia, which caused delusions where he is this self-proclaimed god who kills criminals with a magical notebook and a shinigami at his side. Because his delusions are so ingrained within his mind, we’ve tried to minimize contact he has with other patients. One has already begun to share his delusions.”

“You mean like folie à deux?” Mello asked, eyes widening in curiosity. He leaned forward, switching to a more comfortable position with his feet on the floor and his elbows on his knees. “Sounds fascinating,” he grinned.

“I know that look in your eye,” Wammy said reproachfully, “don’t get any ideas. His mental health is deteriorating as we speak. There is no chance you will see him until he recovers. And even then…it would probably be a bad idea.”

“Why? Because I’m a manipulative little shit?”

“No, because you’re a sociopath and would just encourage him back into his delusions.”

Mello sat back, legs spread wide as he settled further into the seat. “Damn right I would.”

“It’s not a _game_ , Miheal, and it shouldn’t be _fun_ to watch the other patients fall apart,” Wammy admonished him.

“I said stop calling me that!” Mello burst, standing quickly and towering over the older man. He glared down at him beneath the fringe of his ginger-colored bangs, eyes cold and piercing. The older man, however, looked unfazed. He always seemed calm, cool, and collected, even when Mello pulled a knife on him during those early days. He knew better now, after getting his ass handed to him by a man who was much more than he appeared, but still. He missed the thrill of threatening someone and watching them tremble.

“I’ll ask Lawliet about him. He’s Yagami’s doctor, right? He’ll agree to let me see him.”

“No he won’t. He’s learned his lesson and won’t be experimenting again any time soon.”

“Then I’ll just sneak in and have a chat while you dipshits are sleeping,” Mello grinned wickedly, a plan already forming in his mind.

Wammy stood, his legs steady, and Mello remembered feeling the power of those hands as they held onto his cane. “If there is one thing you will listen to, one rule you will adhere to, it must be this: You are prohibited from going near Light Yagami. If you do, you will be caught, and you will be put in isolation where you will _stay_.” The threat was a hiss, lingering in Mello’s ears like a gentle caress. It made his skin shiver in anticipation.

“Promise?” Mello purred with a wink. The old man just stared at him, serious as ever. The sociopathic patient sighed, dropping back down into his chair. “Oh relax, I was just kidding, anyway. He seemed interesting, so I was curious. Sue me.”

**Lawliet’s Perspective**

“Checkmate.”

Lawliet blinked, taking another look at the chessboard between him and a young boy with white hair. One of the boy’s fingers was twirling around a strand, a habit he picked up when he was much younger.

“Every time,” Lawliet murmured, then gave his opponent a smile. “You know, for once, I’d like to win. It would have helped my mood today.”

“I’m not very good at losing,” the boy said in apology.

“That’s not a fault. A lot of people are bad at losing,” the doctor replied, reaching across the board to ruffle the boy’s hair. The boy paused, looking up at him in awe, mouth slightly open. Physical contact was always an iffy experience between the two of them, but he was having a good day today.

“You’re in a bad mood?” the boy asked as Lawliet withdrew his hand.

“Yes, one of my patients isn’t doing so well, and I’m afraid there’s not much more I can do to help him,” the doctor sighed, leaning back on his hands and tilting his head toward the ceiling.

The boy studied him closely for a moment, sitting with his knees tucked up to his chest, something he no doubt picked up from the man across from him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lawliet smiled, chuckling to himself. “You’re going to be like me when you get older, Nate. Have you thought about becoming a psychiatrist?” he asked playfully.

“Actually, I want to become a detective,” Nate answered seriously.

Lawliet’s grin faltered and he brought his head forward to look at the white-haired boy in front of him. “A detective, you say?”

“Mhm,” Nate replied, still twirling a piece of his hair and twitching his toes.

Lawliet’s mind was thinking of the solution to his problem at the same time as he was telling himself that this was the worst idea he had ever had. Worse than introducing Misa to Light. Worse than blasting through his patient’s barriers without first providing a safety net for Light to fall back on. Worse than making fun of Naomi Misora to her face—and he had x-rays of a broken nose to prove it.

But as always, he did it anyway. Whether this decision was made out of morbid curiosity or he was just a masochist, he wasn’t quite sure. Either way, he had made up his mind.

“Would you like to help me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I’m introducing a shit ton of characters as new patients while Light is going through his breakdown. The chess scene between Nate and L is inspired by the live action TV drama (because it was adorable af). Once again, I apologize in advance if I characterize or display any of these disorders and disabilities inappropriately.


End file.
